Watching the video

For all of the folks who subscribe to this blog and automatically get the new entries...
Apparently when you got the one I sent a couple days ago, the video may not have shown up in your inbox.
Please click HERE to see it.
Sorry about that. Was the first time I've ever posted a video.

Take a 4 Minute Trip to Nigeria

You are formally invited to take a brief journey to Nigeria! I would love to take this opportunity to bring the children of City Ministries into your home. May the hope, love and peace in their faces encourage you and bless your hearts. So turn up the volume on your speakers, sit back, relax and enjoy this exciting trip to Nigeria!




Sara Groves is singing the song in this video, called "I Saw What I Saw".... She wrote it after her visit to Rwanda.

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it
Something on the road, cut me to the soul
Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I'm afraid of (what I am made of) and what I know of love.

Words cannot express the gratitude the children and we in the ministry have for all of the people who have partnered with us; in prayer, finances, resources, visits, emails, gifts, encouraging words.... Because of you, we can continue caring for the 350 + children in our Care Centers.

Because of you:
~ they get 3 hot, nutritious meals a day
~ their school fees are paid for each term
~ they receive medical care
~ they have a blanket and a bed to call their own
~ they have clean clothes and shoes and take a bath every day
~ they are loved by Nigerians who live with them, teach them the Word of God, and provide a
safe place for them to call Home
~ they are being equipped to be future Christian leaders in Nigeria

Without you:
~ they would go hungry
~ they would be illiterate and uneducated
~ they would be constantly sick with malaria, giardia, typhoid, etc
~ they would be sleeping on the streets
~ their clothes would be torn and dirty and their bodies would be covered in filth
~ they would be taken advantage of, could turn to a life of crime and violence, and would not be protected from the evils of abuse and street life
~ they would possibly be without the hope, life and eternal salvation through Jesus Christ

Click here to help us contine caring for the children we already have, and to allow more children to come off the streets, away from abuse, out of despair....and into a family of love and protection! After you fill out the form, you'll be directed to another page... Designate your gifts 'Erin Rigsby - Ministry Account' -- and you can be assured whatever amount you give will directly impact the lives of these children.

He can take it

Why is it that I tend to take the responsibility on my shoulders? Responsibility for my friends' well-being, the stranger who does not know Christ, the decisions that other people make that will impact their own lives, the health of our kids in Nigeria, the ever-increasing and oh, so burdening needs we have to care for all these kids.... (this last one is really weighing on me). It's like I somehow feel that in my feeble, limited, and biased understanding of life, that I can actually have the power within these bones and marrow to really make a difference. I mean, why would I trust this body and mind that are decaying minute by minute, have failed me time and time again, and continue to drive me nuts by their weakness... and yet I still have a tendency to think "Ok, Self, let's get to it, make this work, get things done, make a difference." Geez, what pride and ignorance and just plain stupidity. Now, I am not condemning myself here, just stating the facts. And I am really just reminding myself that I am not able to do anything of eternal value within my own strength, intellect, ability, or even determination. Everything done within my own 'strength' will get burned up and won't last. I am reminded tonight that Eternal Significance is not what is seen, but what is unseen. What a relief to know that the things I see, that you see, are not really all there is. There is more, oh so much more!!!

Father, please forgive me for even thinking for a second that I can accomplish anything of eternal worth apart from You. Thank You for the Holy Spirit Who instructs, convicts, and guides. I don't want to be the same person day after day. In my inmost being, I want to grow, to be molded, to decrease in my selfish ambitions and vain deceit. How foolish of me to get anxious about finances in our ministry - they are YOUR children whom You have brought to us and You will take care of them! You love them as much as You love me. You love me as much as You love them! I receive Your love and forgiveness and pray that not by my meek might, nor by my pathetic power, but by Your Spirit will You move mountains and show Yourself mighty in Power, Provision, and Peace! In the Name of Jesus, the Name Above All Names, I pray. Amen and Amen.

Life lessons

I recently found out that I have been medically cleared to return to Nigeria! My doctors and SIM discussed my situation and agreed that I may return in May/June next year. Until then, I will work for SIM in Chicago as a recruiter and a mentor to people preparing to go into missions.

My journey the past 7 months has been an arduous, yet beautiful one. When I went in the hospital for my lung surgery, my doctor said I may never get to return to Nigeria. Oh, how my heart broke and I literally cried out to God from my hospital bed. "Why, Lord, would You give me such an intense passion for the children, only to take it away? Why, Lord, when You ask for people to go into the world, would you keep me from going?" I was confused, angry, and felt at a loss for words to what was going on in my heart. There were days when I just wanted to ignore God and not talk to Him, to just live my own life. Oh, praise HIM! for not allowing my heart to harden. Even in the dark moments, by His strength, I kept the lines of communication open with Him. I told Him exactly how I was feeling at that moment. If I was angry at Him, He knew. If I was tempted to rebel, He knew. Although in His infinite power He already knew my heart, He loved and continues to love to hear me tell it to Him. This brings the emotions, doubts and fears to the surface and into the light. When truth is exposed, darkness has no power - it must flee in the presence of light.

I admit that at first, I was a very determined lady. I insisted, to anyone who asked, that I was definitely going back to Nigeria. I could not imagine otherwise. Over the weeks of a slow and painful physical recovery, my spirit was also recovering. The Lord promises to heal us, but not necessarily physically. His utmost desire is that we love Him above ourselves and that we love His people. In His gentle way, He revealed to me that to move forward in any way, without His blessing, would not only be foolish, but potentially dangerous. Were my desires His desires? Were my thoughts His thoughts? Was I really willing to obey Him, even if it meant not allowing me to see my children in Nigeria again, my dogs, my house, my dear friends? It was not an easy or fast process. God used His people, His Word, and His voice on many occasions to speak truth in the midst of my storm of emotions.

Over the months, through the lessons I was learning, I began to feel waves of peace and contentment. I desperately wanted to hold onto them, but then I would look at pictures of Nigeria, or I would have a difficult time breathing, and then discouragement would come again. God really does not want us to let our feelings dictate the way we live and the decisions we make. We are emotional beings, but so many times I find that my emotions are so much all over the place that I can't trust myself. Good. Oh, that I will not trust in man, money, health, circumstances... that my decisions and passions should come from knowing Him, from desiring Him, from trusting Him -- the One who created me and knows me so much better than I know myself.

By the time I went for a week of hospital tests in Colorado in October, I was full of contentment and peace and really expected to be told that I could not return to Nigeria. Of course, I still really wanted to return, but since God had been teaching me so many lessons, I figured it was to prepare me to really let go of my life in Nigeria. So, you can imagine my surprise when the doctor told me that he would clear me to go back to Nigeria. I have 'constrictive bronchiolitis', meaning that my lungs trap air and don't expel it as efficiently as they should. However, he feels that it is mild and should not worsen. The dry season in Nigeria (Oct - April) would irritate and cause coughing, so that is why I am not returning until May/June.

Life lessons have been taught to me by Jehovah Rapha, our God Who Heals. I praise Him that I was able to discern His voice, to continue communicating with Him, to daily/hourly choose to let go.... and in letting go, I have received His heart's desire for me... for I am His heart's desire. And so are you.



"Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in Him, because we trust in His holy name. Let Your steadfast love be upon us, O Lord, be upon us, even as we trust in You." Psalm 33:20-22.

New Girls

In the past few weeks, I have learned about the new girls who have arrived in our Care Center.
Although I have not had the opportunity to meet them yet, I am already drawn to them and love them dearly. Their faces and their stories are heart-breaking, yet hope-giving... The Lord took them out of painful and hopeless surroundings and brought them to a new home where they are loved and protected.


Favor is 3 1/2 years old. We usually take in children who are older, but her situation was very traumatic. She arrived last week with her 9 year old brother. Favor's mother was a single parent and a prostitute who lived on her own with no contact to any family. She used to go to work at night and would tie Favor to the bed post with string so that she would not wander. Then at Christmas time last year, their mother suddenly died and never left any provision for them.

A lady from the local church who had tried to befriend the mother took them in, but as she has six children of her own, her husband gave her the ultimatum either them or him....so...amongst much sadness she brought them to us. Here is precious Favor... what a fitting name for the way the Lord has bestowed Favor on this young child!

Patience a sweet, 10 year old. She is an orphan who was brought into the ministry because she was neglected by her relatives.



Rose, a spunky ten year old, is an orphan was brought to the ministry after her life was at risk from her family and her community because of her involvement in a cult.




Happy and Sandra, funny little sisters, ages 6 and 9, were brought to us by their aunt who took them out of a broken, polygamous home.




Although these girls and the rest of the children are across the world from me, I think of them and dream about them all the time. This passion in my soul, this burning to help them and to love them, it seems to consume me... this need to serve our Father and love His children is slightly quenched when I can share their stories with you.

Choose to refuse

Our God has a sense of humor. I flipped open the wonderful devotional "Jesus Calling" to the 'wrong' days entry, but the first few words caught my eyes, so I read it and was put in my place. Many of us are in a place of unknown and questions and I hope this will encourage you as much as it encouraged me....

"Trust Me and refuse to worry, for I am your Strength and Song. You are feeling wobbly this morning, looking at difficult times ahead, measuring them against your own strength. However, they are not today's tasks - or even tomorrow's. So leave them in the future and come home to the present, where you will find Me waiting for you. Since I am your Strength, I can empower you to handle each task as it comes. Because I am your Song, I can give you Joy as you work alongside Me.

Keep bringing your mind back to the present moment. Among all my creatures, only humans can anticipate future events. This ability is a blessing, but it becomes a curse whenever it is misused. If you use your magnificent mind to worry about tomorrow, you cloak yourself in dark unbelief. However, when the hope of heaven fills your thoughts, the Light of My Presence envelops you. "

(Exodus 15:2, 2 Corinthians 10:5, Hebrews 10:23)

Wow. Chew on that for a little bit and digest it, so that you choose to refuse to worry. Choose to refuse. Choose to refuse. Choose to refuse.

Miracle's do happen

Earlier this year I introduced Miracle to my blog readers. She was found as a newborn, lying in dirt with a dog chewing on her umbilical cord. For the full story, see the entry on Jan 28,2008.
This is the picture she and I took together when she was two months old.


I fell in love with her and would see her often to love on her and watch her grow. Nicky sent me these pictures of her now. Is she not just the most adorable thing??? You can see why Aunty Erin is really really missing her. She is now 10 months old and has started to walk !!! she didn't bother crawling just got up and walked...she is such a beautiful little girl it is so hard to imagine why someone should want to abandon her, but God had other plans for her life....and she is...





a walking Miracle.

In Nashville

Greetings from Nashville... I arrived here yesterday to visit a dear friend, Jessica. She and I met our first week at Univ. of Mary Hardin-Baylor back in 1996, and have been close ever since. During my furlough a couple years ago, I was blessed to be a bridesmaid in her wedding to David White.  This weekend David is gone, so we're having lots of fun catching up, drinking lots of coffee, playing with her dogs, and enjoying the mild Nashville weather.  

My time in Chicago was very good for me emotionally, spiritually and physically. I still get tired easily, so it was nice to have the time to pace myself as I met with lots of people over the 5 weeks I was there. The weather was incredible, except for the 2 very rainy days when Ike came through - yep it even reached Chicago!  Being around my friends really lifted my spirits and made me feel 'alive' again. They encouraged me and loved on me through their words and actions. I stayed in Sue Cortolillo's apartment, the same place where I lived before I went to Nigeria in 2003! So I felt completely at home. My favorite place in her home is the window seat and since she lives on the second floor, the windows look out right onto the trees. I spent hours sitting there thinking, praying and thinking some more. God was near to me and met me in my mixed emotions of joy, confusion, anxiety, excitement, and anticipation.

A friend sent me a small devotional book called "Jesus Calling".  Here is an excerpt:

"I did not design the human mind to figure out the future. That is beyond your capability.  I crafted your mind for continual communication with Me.  Bring me all your needs, your hopes and fears.  Commit everything into my care. Turn from the path of planning to the path of Peace." 

 1 Peter 5:6-7, Proverbs 16:9, Psalm 37:5

Eyes that see

I could not know, would not know. I could not know how Africa would touch me, bend me, remold my heart. Sometimes there is a place you do not know about, but it is still there, outside your knowledge. When you reach this place you change, and you wonder how you could possibly have lived without the knowledge of it inside you. For everything I see now is through eyes that could not see before, ears that did not hear, and a heart that would not understand...*

* taken from 'Into the Nevernight' by Anne de Graaf

some pictures courtesy of Jamie, fellow missionary in Nigeria. www.jamiehigbee.blogspot.com

Days in Dallas

I finally felt good enough to drive to Dallas last week. I have good friends in the area, so I wanted to make the most of the opportunity. First, I went to Becca’s apartment to get ready for Jennie’s shower. Now, Becca and I live in our flip flops, so we were debating what to wear. Then we thought of what Jennie would wear (so glad she sent me a picture) and figured that it was time for us to toss the flops and grab the heels. When we arrived, however, we saw a lady come out of the house wearing a casual outfit, which kinda threw us for a loop. We debated on going back to change into jeans, but instead decided to hold our heads high and walk inside like we knew everyone (knew no one). Yeah for Dallas Wedding Showers! Everyone (except Capri Chick) were looking good, so we fit right in. ;) Taco Cabana catered the meal, so we chowed down (delicately) amongst roses, candlelight, music and strangers. Jennie is a wonderful, godly woman who will be marrying an amazing man, Roy. We were blessed to be a small part of her celebration.

Christine and her family spent 2 years in Nigeria. It was wonderful to catch up with her.

Etc.... I enjoyed being a part of Prom Week at the Dallas Market. Many of the dresses had corsets. Beautiful, but difficult to lace up quickly. Got the hang of it and really enjoyed getting to know the other girls. Many of them are Christians, so that really gave the atmosphere one of laughter and peace. In that kind of environment, jealousy and competition usually reign, but we were so busy telling the models how gorgeous they looked in the dresses, laughing when we could not get the corsets tied in time and had to walk with the model to the curtain while trying to get the thing tied at the same time!, and getting to know one another, that it was a very positive experience.

Jennifer and I met for Indian food at Roti Grill. It was great to catch up with her. It's amazing how we can just pick up right where we left off. Since we've known each other since kindergarten, we have a lot of history and a strong friendship.

I was blessed to see Julie, a friend from nursing school. While enjoying incredible Kung Pao Chicken at Asian Mint, we shared our nursing experiences since graduation and laughed at memories of nursing school - oh, that time of our lives was so full of stress and fear and late nights and coffee. Lots of coffee.

Vi Hanson is such a precious and powerful prayer warrior. She is in her 80's, I think, and is just as sweet as can be. I inadvertently surprised her (miscommunication) by showing up at her door. But she welcomed me with such joy and a gorgeous smile, which stayed on her face the whole time! Christ's love pours out of her and I was so blessed and honored to be in her presence. If only I will grow up to be like her.

Much love and thanks to Jana, the Whites, Becca, and all who loved on me. It was a great trip.

Today I fly to Chicago, thanks to wonderful medicine and powerful prayers. Please pray that my lungs will hold up well during the flight (first since my surgery).

Off to Dallas

I am so excited about my trip to Dallas. I am leaving today and will be back in Salado next Thursday. I won't get to see all my friends in Dallas, but am happy about the full schedule ahead.

Tonight - Wedding shower for a good friend from college, Jennie Clay
Sunday - hanging out with Becca Webb and watching lots of the Olympics
Monday - meet up with Jessica (Hobratsch) White at the Dallas Market. She is a model for 'Prom Week' (even though she is 30! - she looks amazing!) and I get to help dress her backstage all day Monday and Tuesday. Monday evening - dinner with Jennie and Becca
Tuesday - work all day. Dinner with Jennifer Burrows, friends since kindergarten!
Wednesday - in the morning I will spend some time with Vi Hanson and Louise White, some sweet older women who are two of my prayer warriors. For lunch, will meet up with Julie Birdsong, friend and study partner during nursing school. In the afternoon, will drive to Rockwall and crash for a nice nap at Jana Tucker's house. In the evening, will go to CAbi at Janice White's, hosted by Christine Rothchild (whose family were in Nigeria for 2 years) to help raise money for our kids! Sleep at Jana's.
Thursday - meeting with team leaders from Crazy Texas Team from Lakepointe Church in Rockwall. This amazing team has been going to Nigeria twice every year for 6 or 7 years! Drive home!

I'm so thankful for this time of connecting, encouraging, supporting and just having fun!

Letters and Life

I know the kids and staff of City Ministries in Nigeria have been fasting and praying for me ever since I left in April - well, they have not been fasting that whole time! But, they are seriously amazing prayer warriors and I am so incredibly blessed to have them lifting me up. A couple weeks ago I wrote a letter to them, which included pictures, and made 200 copies of it. In the letter I thanked them for praying and also shared with them what God is teaching me. I sent the letters with the Chicago team. Today I received pictures that Nicky took when she handed the letters out to the girls. She said the girls 'were so excited. They were dancing around and all trying to read at once.'


The first two pictures show the girls in their yard, looking at my letter.






Here is the 'grandmother' of the girls. She's a widow, who prayed for 3 years for God to give her a ministry. God brought her to us earlier this year to help care for our girls. Here she is, returning from collecting firewood, with the girls showing her the letter I wrote. I love this picture!


Nicky said that they have all written me back already and I'll get their letters when the Chicago team returns. Yeah!!

I have not always been so good at taking action shots, and I love how these pictures show the girls in their environment. Very African. :)

Also, I am amazed at how much impact we can have on people's lives, without even realizing it. These girls have blessed me so much and I have learned many things from them. God has given me such deep love for them that it hurts - I suppose it may be similar to the love a mom has for her own children. Like these girls watched every move I made, heard every word I said, and noticed every facial expression while I was in their presence.... we are being watched every day. People all around us are seeking peace, joy, love and satisfaction. Are they seeing these characteristics in our faces and our lives? ... In the lines at Target, while waiting for our food at a restaurant, while pumping gas, during church? I definitely need to step up my personal time with the Lord. Only during those quiet moments will I really become filled with His Holy Spirit and then these characteristics will overflow out of a heart who knows her Master and worships Him through her life.

Off to school...

This time of year, many of you are buying all the things that you or your child will need to go back to school for the new year: Bags, pencil cases, pens, socks, shoes etc…

In City Ministries, Nigeria, we also have to get our children ready to start back to school... all 300 of them !!!

And so we are asking as you purchase items for your child or relatives, please consider helping us, too!

It costs us approximately $ 150 per year / per child to provide the equipment and clothing needed for school, as nothing is provided for the children at school except a teacher !!!

** GO Nigeria," a U.S. based non-profit organization, is providing a $50 matching grant for each $100 donated for school fees/books. **

Mail your tax-deductible checks to: GO Nigeria, Memo: children's educational needs

P.O. Box 1176, Rowlett,Texas 75030-1176

Name them one by one

There are a handful of blogs that I check on a regular basis. If these folks don't regularly post something, I get frustrated. Especially since they are mostly in Nigeria, working with the kids I love and miss so terribly much, and their blogs make me feel closer to 'home'. Then I started thinking that maybe I should be better at posting snippets myself. :)

Today I went back to the 'Pain Clinic' - yep, that is its name. The good 'ol nerves that got damaged thanks to the chest tubes are going to be acting up for awhile, so I have to stay on top of them, or the pain is pretty intense. If you have had Shingles, then you know what I am talking about. Let me back up.... about a month ago I got my first round of 6 injections of steroids in my side (!). However, those did not work (!). A dear man from my church in TX had been keeping close tabs on me, since he is an anesthesiologist and a supporter of mine. A week after the 6 shots, I was pretty miserable. I called him on a Sunday evening and asked if he would be able to work me in to see someone in the morning (never hurts to ask). He told me he'd call me right back. When he called, he asked how long it would take me to get to the hospital. I paused, waiting, and then said, 'You mean, now?' - it was 8pm on a Sunday. So my dad drove me to a back entrance, where this precious man met us and took us back to the surgery department, where his colleague was on-call that night. One hour and 10 more injections later, I walked out of there with bad memories of the injections, but feeling oh so good. Back to today... although I was feeling pretty good, the doctor suggested I go ahead and get more injections (10 more!) so that I will feel pretty much pain-free for awhile. Yeah for that!...

Also, Aunty Erin got to talk to about 20 of her boys in Nigeria today! That was a wonderful 2 hours and money very well spent, I tell you. They just encouraged me so much. One of the younger ones got very serious and said 'Aunty, I have a verse for you. It is Psalm 3:4 'To the Lord, I cry out and He answers me from His holy hill.' Is that not precious or what? They are all so excited about camp, which will be in a couple weeks....

The Chicago Moody Church team is all ready to head out to Nigeria on Friday. I have been so blessed to be a part of the camp preparations on this end of things. I co-directed the camp last year with my co-worker Elisha. In my absence, my dear friend Nicky has stepped up and has done an amazing job getting things prepared. A lot of the camp info was stuck in my head and not on a computer file...so, emails have flown back and forth and phone calls galore - and things are looking good. I had a lot of fun shopping for supplies, games, prizes, etc for the team to take over (about 70 pounds worth of stuff !)....

I am also so thankful that I am feeling so much better (26 shots later:) and signed up for a month's membership at a fitness center here in Salado. Today was my second day and I am sore, but very happy to be rehabilitating myself. As I have said to many and now it is coming back to kick me..... if you don't take care of yourself, you cannot take care of others.

It's been a good day. It really does help to count your blessings, name them one by one.....

I miss the girls....

I miss the sweet, sweet girls. The highlight of my week is when I would drive out to Gyero on Tuesday afternoon's and spend the night. To get there, I drive down a highway for about 20 minutes. Then I turn off onto a dirt road full of potholes and dust (or mud in the rainy season)--- and beautiful farmland and birds and hills--- for another 15 minutes. One of my favorite things was when I would drive up to the concrete wall surrounding the girls compound and all of them would come running to my truck saying 'Aunty Erin, Aunty Erin' and I would get 10 hugs and smiles. Then they would follow me around to the back of my truck and 'help' me open it. I would usually have lots of stuff with me (pillow, blanket, bag, activities for the girls, food) and so the girls would all want to carry something for me. We would then walk to their little building , where there are 2 rooms us missionary gals sleep in.

We would dump everything in there and then play until it got dark. I loved just sitting with them and listening to them laugh and let them play with my hair and sit on my lap.

In the evening, the older girls would help Mama (staff mother) cook dinner in one pot over the fire. We usually had rice and beans and I would dish it out in their tin bowls. They would come to me one at a time and after I served them, they would do a little curtsy, a cultural sign of respect. Then we would all sit on the floor and eat rice and beans (I usually just ate a little and then had a snack in my room later :). I loved how, when they finished eating, one by one they would say 'Thank you, Aunty', 'Thank you, Mama', curtsying to us as they do so. Very cute!! By that time it would be dark, so we'd gather in a little room they called the 'Parlor', to play games.

When bedtime came, we all went into their room, where they climbed into their bunkbeds. The little ones slept two by two (their choice and Oh, so adorable!). We all would cover our heads with a headtie before our nightly devotional (a cultural sign of respect to God). Then one of the girls would lead us in some songs (their voices are so beautiful). I would share from the Bible and they would share their memory verses and then we all prayed. A wonderful result of our time together - one of the first times I was out there, I encouraged the girls to pray about having a friend at school who they can encourage and even witness to. Over the months, the girls would show me letters their new friends had written to them, they shared how they prayed with their friends, and even a few girls witnessed to their M friends!

God really loves every single person all over the world and will use whomever is willing to share about His love! After devotions, I would tuck each of them in and kiss each of them on the forehead before leaving their room.

As part of the Nigerian Christian culture, we would wake up at 6am and have devotions again (well, the church bell would ring at 5am to combat the M call the prayer at the other end of the village - so that always woke us up first!) It was so precious and a wonderful way to start the day. After this, the girls would get busy sweeping the compound (swept dirt really does look better), making their beds, and then would run to the bathing building (made of concrete). They would line up and Mama Sati would scrub the little ones down from head to toe. The would just crouch down and let her have at them - it was adorable! The water had been warmed over the fire and was put into buckets and carried to the bath house. After a girl was finished, she would run back, dripping wet, with a towel wrapped around her and wait in the parlor until all of the were in there. Then they would start putting Vaseline all over each other's body's! This actually really keeps their skin beautiful and all Nigerians do this. After that we got them all ready for school and sent them off.

Here's a pic of the 'original 10', plus a staff child. The girls center opened Dec. 2006. The ministry decided to care for the first group of 10 for a long time before adding more. Of course, there are many more orphans and abused children in the Jos area, but we really wanted to go slowly so that we cared for each girl properly and thoughtfully. Right after I left, 3 new girls were added. I wish I could be there, but I know that many are praying for them. I've been blessed to see how many people love these precious girls who live in a village in Nigeria. In the above picture, a 90+ year old woman handmade the hats, each taking 8 hours! Other people have shown love by sending letters and funding projects. One team brought Crocs for all the kids! A perfect shoe to have in a village climate.

Loving the children in our ministry (almost 400 of them total!) is definitely a team effort and requires lots of hands and hearts to thrive. Although I miss these precious girls, I know the Lord will provide for their every need.

Suffering and Surrender

My mind is always going a mile a minute. It seems I am constantly thinking about Nigeria, the differences of life in America, the blessings I have, the pain I am feeling (physical and emotional), frustration, grief (missing Nigeria SO much), gratitude for all the love and support from family, friends and supporters, anger at being limited physically, joy when playing cards with my mom or having a good chat with my dad, laughter with my brother who makes funny comments with a smirk.... My prayers have consisted of tears, thanksgiving, questions, anger, asking for help to surrender, to trust, to obey, to listen to His voice... but God has not been speaking to me in ways I sometimes hope (I want Him to tell me what is next in my life and what to expect). However, He keeps asking me/telling me to surrender. At first I was like - hello, I did surrender! You plead for workers for the harvest, and I went and I love it and I am desperate to go back. How prideful of me.

But He has gently been teaching me over the past few months that it really is a daily surrender - I now understand Hebrews 13:5 - a sacrifice of praise - trusting and praising Him even if I don't feel like it and that it is to be daily (Romans 12).

A year ago a friend told me about a book, 'Hinds Feet on High Places'. When I was on my way home in April, God told me to read the book. I dragged my feet (because I figured whatever He wanted to teach me from it would require obedience :0) because once He speaks, you gotta respond.)....., but finally ordered it. I am so glad I did.

It is an allegory about a character 'Much Afraid' who has two traveling companions 'Sorrow' and 'Suffering'. (hmmm) They are on a journey to get to the High Places, where the Shepherd lives and promises joy and freedom. They face many obstacles, including traveling through a desert, with the High Places out of sight.

When they reach the desert, Much Afraid cries out to the Shepherd, "You really mean that I am to follow that path down and down into that wilderness and then over that desert, away from the mountains indefinitely? Why ( and there was a sob of anguish in her voice ) it may be months, even years before that path leads me back to the mountains again. O Shepherd, do You mean it is indefinite postponement?'

The Shepherd replied 'It is only postponement for the best to become possible... Do you love Me enough to accept the postponement and the apparent contradiction of the promise and go down there with me into the desert?'

He was leading her away from her heart's desire altogether and gave no promise at all as to when He would bring her back.

Much Afraid replied with tears and trembling, "Even if You cannot tell me why it has to be, I will go with You, for You know that I do love You, and You have the right to choose for me anything that You please." pgs 109,110

The last couple months have been a roller coaster of emotions, as various people offer their advice about what decision I should make regarding living in Nigeria. At first, and at times still do, I blocked them out because they were not saying what I wanted to hear.

But as I pray, read the Word and this book, I am constantly convicted that I need to trust the Lord. I don't know what He wants yet, in regards to my living in Nigeria. But I do know what He requires of me now, and I pray He gives me the strength to obey.

Here are a few quotes in the accompanying devotion that have jumped out at me:

"One way to suffer is to have what you do not want, and want what you do not have."pg.113

"If we hold anything to ourselves, refusing to give it to Jesus, or if we do not obey a request He makes of us, then that has blocked His voice to us. We need to give those things to Him and get back into His companionship."pg.119

"He will never waste our sorrows... Let me never be found resisting what you are birthing or bringing forth in me."pg.117

One day at a time, right? That's what He commands of us. Thank goodness.

Praises overflow

So much has happened since my last blog. I am still processing the past month and wanted to wait until I figured it all out before I blogged - but that would mean I would probably not blog for awhile! Reflection brings rejoicing......

Praise #1 - God used my leaders in Nigeria to tell me to come back to Texas for rest and medical check ups. Within one week of arriving in Texas, my right lung collapsed! A chest tube was placed, to help reinflate the lung, and I spent two nights in the hospital. If my lung would have collapsed in Nigeria, it could have been extremely serious. Since the medical care in Nigeria is not up to speed, I would've needed to be medically evacuated. But, flying is dangerous when you have lung issues, because of the altitude problems. So, I may have had to have a chest tube placed by a med-evac team and flown on a special 'medical plane.' Also, the insurance company could have insisted that I be sent to London or to South Africa for medical care - which they have been known to do in past missionary evacuations - since those places are closer than the States. Whenever I feel down, I remember back to how God rescued me and brought me home to my parents and to great medical care here in Texas, just 15 min from my parents house.

Praise #2 - After spending those 2 nights in the hospital, I was taking it easy. A couple weeks later I was finally feeling 'normal' and was able to get out of the house. I was super excited about a trip to Houston on Memorial Day weekend to visit the Anthis and Rothchild families - dear friends who spent time in Nigeria. But on Thursday I started feeling weird and that something was not right. (When my lung collapsed a couple weeks prior, I just had some pain and a little difficulty breathing - but nothing major. So I was not sure what to expect as far as symptoms went - but the doctor told me that it was possible that my lung would collapse again.) When I woke up on Friday and had pain in my lung and decreased energy, I called the clinic and went in for a chest x ray and to see the doctor. I almost did not make the call, because I really wanted to go to Houston. But then I realized that would be pretty selfish and quite a hassle to get to Houston and not be able to breathe. When the doctor showed me my xray, I could see immediately that my lung had collapsed again and I just started crying. The last chest tube was so painful and I also knew that now I was going to need to have surgery. It was overwhelming and I just cried for God to help me. The nurses and doctors remembered my painful experience from the last chest tube, so they gave me a lot more pain medicine, which was a huge blessing. Praise God that I was not stubborn and that I went in to see the doctor that morning. Cindy Anthis and one of her daughters actually drove from Houston to see me the next day. She thanked me for 'keeping my drama local.' :)

Praise #3 - I had to wait a few days for my lung to inflate before I could have surgery. From day one of being in the hospital, I was so encouraged by the people who took the time to come and visit me and send me flowers. Now that I have been blessed in these ways, I know how much a bouquet of flowers or a bedside prayer lifts up the heart. People came in from out of town and a couple precious ladies came from Rockwall and sat with my mom when I was in the recovery room. My family and I were just amazed by how many people showed love by visiting me during my two week hospital stay. And all the cards in the mail! Postal mail really shows effort and love - so many times in the past I have intended to send a card or note to someone - all the cards I have received have blessed me so much, that I hope it helps me to follow up on those intentions in the future!

Praise #4 - The first night after my surgery, God's presence was so strong in my room. I can only explain it as intense peace and joy - I did not even want to sleep because I did not want to miss out! I'm telling you, I had spontaneous smiles and was just in complete comfort that night.

Praise #5 - All the prayers of the saints. Never before have I felt so carried by prayer as I have these past few weeks. In my weakness, pain, and suffering - God's children have held me up and carried me through their prayers. One of my friends from Nigeria called and told me that all the staff and kids in the ministry fasted and prayed for me for 24 hours. Wow. Major answered prayer was that I had great nursing care and an overall positive experience in the hospital. I did not even want to leave the hospital until the day that the doctor said I could be discharged.

Praise #6 - Today I went to see the surgeon for an xray and to get my stitches removed. Everything looks good. Yeah! I am still having a bit of pain, but the pain meds are helping.

There is so much more to share. So many things the Lord is showing me on this journey. For now, I can say that I know He is good. I know He loves me. I know He loves the children in Nigeria and He is taking care of them. I can trust Him and know that this is all about Him, all for Him and for His glory. May He receive praise and adoration!

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

Favorite Things and Reflections

I have been in Texas for a week now. Some of my favorite things from the past week:


~ Jalisco's salsa - the Texas folks will know what I am talking about.


~ sleeping in - it is so quiet here. My house in Nigeria is on a loud compound. Outside my bedroom window is the front gate to the compound, so if I tried to rest during the day, I heard everything and everyone coming in. Plus my dogs barking and the phone always ringing. I joked with the gaurd one day saying "Peter, at 6am, you are really loud and it sounds like you are right in my bedroom! Peter, I really don't like waking up and thinking you are in my room." That made him laugh and he got the point and he is no longer my alarm clock.


~ American Idol. Yeah, I am a junkie.


~ Green grass. Everything is Soooo green in Texas now. I love it! In Nigeria, everything is pretty brown because we are at the end of the 6 months of no rain.


~ Front porch. My parents have a porch that looks over their nice front yard. I love to sit out there and just think and pray and just BE.


~ Anonymity. In Nigeria, white folks are kinda obvious and so people watch everything you do. When it gets annoying, I try to pretend I am a celebrity and that kinda makes it funny. Is definitely a good accountability thing. BUT I enjoyed walking through Target the other day and no one even turned their head to look at me.


~ Twinkie, my faithful dog. I walked into the house from the airport and there she was, whining and jumping around and licking me! I had not seen her for a year, but she knows who her mama is!



~ Shopping. Yeah, I love to shop. I love shopping in Nigeria. But here, it is so easy! No one is shouting out 'baturiya' (white woman), or begging you to shop in their stall. And all the prices are set here in America. I mean, I can't go up to the gal at Target and say "Hey, I know the price on this shirt says it is $15, but how about I give you $8?" That's one thing I love/hate about shopping in Nigeria. You definitely have to be in the mood.


A few days before I left Jos, I was shopping and the guy told me the thing was going to cost $45. I guffawed at him and said "Look, I may look like a white person, but I am really Nigerian and I know the price. So please don't try that." I got him down to $14. :)



The list goes on and on...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I am really thankful to be home because I have been sick the whole time since I arrived. The two weeks before I left Nigeria, I was feeling really great, so I was like, hey, I don't need to go home. But, not the case. Last week I saw an internal med doctor and she caught a couple infections and got me on antibiotics. Tomorrow I will see my pulmonologist and on Thursday, the infectious disease doctor.



I feel very loved and carried by God during this time of the unknown. Faith really is being sure of what you don't see. I can't see very far. But, as a good friend told me the other day, just keep walking forward. My dad reminded me that God never demotes anyone. He is always out to promote His children to the next level that He has for their lives.



Yesterday, the Lord met with me as I sat on the porch with my coffee. He said that I should pray for complete physical healing and He may choose to answer that. But the prayer that He will DEFINITELY answer is the restoration of my soul.



Praise Him.

Taking off....

I would love to post pics and tell stories, but the reality is my time is taken up these days with preparing to leave on Sunday, April 20th, for a 2 month rest and recuperation time in the States.

Coming under authority with respect and thanksgiving is a key thing the Lord has been working with me on the past couple years. So, when I was in a bind and did not know what to do... God's voice clearly came through and told me to go to my leaders here in Nigeria. So, I went to my supervisor, missionary doc, and personnel director.

They all said the same thing. I need to go to the States to rest and to get some medical check-ups. Maybe all the sickness I have had this past year since I returned to Nigeria is nothing more than just random sickness. Or maybe it is more. So, to rule out some crazy disease on top of the one I already have in my lungs, I will be seeing my pulmonologist, an internal medicine doc, and maybe a tropical disease doctor.

So the past couple weeks have been busy busy with preparations to go. I have been madly checking off things from my to-do list, trying to get all the centers a-ok with medical and nutritional stuff before I leave.

There is much more to say, but time is not on my side (as we say here).

I will be in touch, once I get settled into Texas next week.

In Sickness and in Health...

Nope, am not married or even close to it.... but this is how I have been feeling regarding my second term in Nigeria. I have been sick on and off since I returned last April, 11 months ago from today. My immune system has been shot from a crazy lung disease I picked up a couple years ago, making me susceptable to other things.

I had to stay home again today (4th day) bc this laryngitis has kicked my tail. I am able to talk now, thankfully. But the coughing is exhausting me and I think that may be more my lung thing acting up now, not the laryngitis. I am getting frustrated by the up and down health thing. Can you please pray for me?

I am working this whole thing through with God. What more can I do for myself that I am not already doing? What should I take away/add? Adding can be a good thing, if I am missing something. How does God view sickness and service? I know He says in Psalm 40 (and many other places) that He is not looking for sacrifices or burnt offerings? but just me. But then how does that compute when so many Christians all over the world are much worse off than me, but God has them that way for a reason and for a purpose? and many of them keep pressing on. Is
it giving up to step back and take care of my body? I know God will not love me any less. He finally got that through my thick skull. But now I am working through how much is too much? where faith and trust collide with reason and common sense?

I know I am vulnerable right now, bc I have spent most of the past 2 weeks sick (had giardia before this laryngitis). And in this state, I don't have much compassion for others or a desire to serve when I have a coughing fit every 10 min. Sigh. Thank God He loves me no matter what!

So, that's where I am at the moment. Not too pretty. But am working it through with the Lord and am in constant communication with Him. This I DO know is what He wants and desires, so will keep it up til He answers ;)

Allah ya kara mani sauki = May God increase my strength

Last Friday...

(This is perhaps my longest blog ever. So grab a cup o joe and read on about a day in the life...)

I had shared on my March Prayer Calendar that the father of two of our boys, Stephen (15yrs) and Matthew (13yrs), was dying of liver failure. Three weeks ago, a co-worker and I visited him in his home. I asked him that when he dies, what will he tell God is the reason he should be allowed into heaven. His answer was "Only God knows." We shared with him about the grace of Jesus and even though he was an alcoholic for years and he neglected his kids, that God will still accept him. That day, the angels rejoiced as Felix received God's love and grace!!!

Felix passed away last Thursday.

Last Friday was an all-day affair with the family of Matthew and Stephen. It was so totally Nigerian in all aspects. My friend and co-worker, Alex, went to the boys home in the morning at 7am to meet with the eldest uncle (bro of deceased) bc he is to make all the decisions. Only to find out that they were waiting for an even older male relation to show up. So Alex returned to Transition House and he called me to meet with him and Elisha (supervisor) to decide what our role should be in all of this. We needed to find a vehicle to carry the body, first of all. They asked if I would be willing to carry it in my truck and I said no way jose! So we sent a staff to the hosptial to see if we could rent their 'ambulance'. Then we called around looking for another vehicle that we knew we would need to haul the family to the burial.

So we got confirmation that the ambulance was available. Alex and I, with some other staff, headed to the boys home. We got there and a group of about 15 people were sitting outside and in the midst of them was a very old man. Come to find out that he is the elder of the family, yet Matthew and Stephen have never even met him before! Yet, he is the one to make all the decisions. Apparently this happens a lot - at weddings and funerals - that relatives just show up to make decisions and maybe even get money (at weddings). So this 80 yr old man is supposed to be making decisions. But it is now 11am and they have not even decided where Baba is going to be buried. So the male staff head off to find something to eat while I sit with Matthew and all the mamas, watching life go on around us.

Some time later another uncle and the pastor show up and get in a heated discussion with the Baba bc he is just sitting on his toosh and not doing anything and here we are with 3 vehicles, 10 staff, and ready to help but cannot make any decisions for them. It should be noted that the hospital does not have a refrigerator or whatever they are supposed to have for corpses, so the body is laying in a room, in a very hot place. So, you can imagine what is happening to the body. SO when Baba suggests we wait til the next day, the uproar (ladies included) caused a scene. Although Stephen is the oldest son of his father, he is not old enough to be able to make decisions.

Elisha comes back from eating and the pastor pulls Elisha and me aside and says that the family has not even started building a casket for the body (by this time it is about 2pm). I am getting frustrated bc they are really taking no responsibility at all. But I also realize that the dad had been an alcoholic for years and this had taken a toll on the family, so perhaps they just felt like they did not need to help or give a proper burial. So, for the boys sake, we said that the minsitry would provide the casket. So off Elisha and Alex go to find a builder. By this point I was really hungry, so Stephen, Matthew and Uncle Ade and I wondered off to find a hole in the wall restaurant to eat some good food and down a bottle of Coke. The boys were at peace and were really amazing. They joked a little, although it was obvious their hearts were heavy.

So we return to the house. By then they had decided where to bury the body and some men had gone off to start digging. Now I need to say that this whole time the cell phone network had been down, so no one could call anyone. That just added to the whole thing. Once we get back to the house we wonder what we are to do next. Two staff decide to head to the hospital to see if Elisha and Alex had shown up with a casket. However, the family left with us had no idea where the burial site was. So we waited til the older brother showed up and then we piled in my truck to head to the hospital. Because now, Stephen and Matthew were supposed to clean the body and dress it!

So we show up at the hospital around 5pm and thankfully the guy was around to open the door to the hot room. By this time we had accumulated about 7 male staff, so they went in with the boys and did their thing. I cannot even imagine how that must have been. I kept getting teary eyed. Then Mama of the father went in to view his body and came out wailing so then I lost it a bit. But that's ok. However, the boys came out dry eyed - what IS it with men all over the world??

The casket was put in the ambulance and we followed it through town back near where Stephen and Matthew live. But then turned down a really rocky road. The road ended so we all got out and I just started trekking down the hilly path with Matthew and some of the women. It kept going and going and sure enough, I looked back to see that the casket and men had not followed us. So we waited at this place overlooking the valley, which is apparently a graveyard of sorts, tho you would never have guess it. The ambulance showed up about 40 min later, having found a different road.

Then they carried the casket down the rocky hill to the site, where the short service was done. Again, Aunty Erin started crying when Matthew gave a short speech about his dad and then the boys threw dirt on the casket.

Walking back to the car Matthew told me that I should not cry because he will see his father again. And one of the women said I need to be strong for the boys. Hogwash. That is one of the most frustrating parts of this culture - the lack of understanding the need to grieve and express emotions in a healthy way. Somehow they (and other Christians in the world) feel that crying shows lack of faith.

The day finally ended around 7pm. I thought. But then I got called to the hospital bc one of our boys had broken his arm playing soccer. Well I got him sorted out and finally went home, exhausted.

A day in the life.

(I said in the beginning that the day was very Nigerian. What I meant was that, due to poverty, most people cannot plan ahead because there is no money to plan with. They survive hand-to-mouth. To Americans, it may seem crazy that the family did not have any plans for when Felix died. This is because they are a very poor family and just hope they will get food for each day. )

Allah ya ba mu karfi! - May God give us strength!

More pics from reconciliation of boys!

These four boys(Emmanuel, Emmanuel, Moses and Danladi) were all taken back the their families. They live in the same village and already had plans to meet with each other the day after we left them. :)

About 4 years ago, Moses was involved in some satanic things, which put his life in danger. This is the reason City Ministries took him in. Moses is a new creation and was really welcomed back into the family and community last week. Only God can do that.

Moses and his mother!

Each time we took a boy home, Elisha (our supervisor, on the right), explained to the family and neighbors the reason the boy is able to go back to his family. He also explained how the ministry will assist for some time, but that the real responsibility lies on the family and the community to raise the child.

Linus and me. Oh, I love this dear boy and will really miss him. BUT - look how happy he is! When we drove up to his house, his mother came running up to the car and embraced him in a way only a mother can. His life is a testimony of power, grace and freedom, as he was once a child of the enemy through witchcraft. Now, he serves his Savior and King, Jesus Christ.

Father God, take these children and use them mightily in their homes, schools and communities. Protect them from the attacks of the enemy that are sure to come, since they used to belong to him, but now are in the Lord's army. Equip them to fight the battles and to resist temptations. I pray, Lord, that you will protect them mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. They are Yours and I know You love them and hold them close to Your heart and will never let them go. We commit them to You. In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen.