I asked God

Yesterday I went in search for a journal, for fresh, clean pages to hold the emotions, prayers, questions, and tears of this season in my life. The first journal I saw had this poem on the front of it.... I couldn't have said it better myself... how I feel now, and the hope I have in God's promises.

I Asked God

I asked God for strength

that I might achieve.

I was made weak

that I might learn humbly to obey.

I asked for health

that I might do greater things.

I was given infirmity

that I might do better things.

I asked for riches

that I might be happy.

I was given poverty

that I might be wise.

I asked for power

that I might have the praise of men.

I was given weakness

that I might feel the need of God.

I asked for all things

that I might enjoy life.

I was given life

that I might enjoy all things.

I got nothing that I asked for,

but everything I had hoped for.

He desires obedience.

Today marks the one year anniversary of my lung surgery. It has been quite a year. It's fitting that today, I share with you another milestone in this journey.

After a lot of tears, prayers, tears, counsel, tears, wrestling with God... I know that He is closing the door on my return to Nigeria.

Did I actually just type that???

I was able to surrender last week and every minute since... I am in the midst of intense grieving... a death has happened... and yet, He promises strength and peace, which I receive and praise Him for.

The basic explanation is that I know God has shut the door, that He has clearly spoken to me, and it was one of the hardest decisions of my life... but I desire to obey and that obedience requires putting the kids, my home, my life in Nigeria... on the altar... to love Jesus more than them... That my desires will die and be stripped away, as I keep my eyes on my first Love.

Regarding my health, my recent breathing test results are the same as last October. Thankfully not worse. Wish they were better. My CT scan is clear, praise God. One doctor is adamant I not return. The others say it is up to me. I still have symptoms that come and go and my breathing is affected by the air quality around me.

I don't know if God has closed the door due to my health or not... I just know that He has spoken.

SIM has been very gracious and patient with me. We are looking at various ministry opportunities for me with SIM in the US. At this time, I am still a missionary with SIM, supported by individuals, through my Support Account. Funds sent to my Ministry Account are still being sent to my SIM colleagues in Nigeria to cover the medical and nutrition costs of the kids. To my financial team... I appreciate your continued financial support during this time. I will keep you posted as decisions are made.

I am not at a place to make big decisions about my future. I still need to process this decision.

I will be flying to Tennessee on Saturday for a week of grief counseling at Fairhaven Ministries It will be very intense, but greatly needed, and I am very thankful for this opportunity.

When the time is right and if God releases me to return to Nigeria, whether just to say good-bye and get closure, or to move back... you can bet I will be on the next plane.

Until then, step by step.

I wanted to inform you and thank you for walking through this grieving process with me.

Specific prayer requests... There are many layers to this grief:

1) I wrote a letter to the children. Please pray for their tender hearts, as it must be hard for them to understand and comprehend. Pray they will know my love for them, but most importantly that they will desire to follow Jesus in their own lives, no matter the cost.

2) I will not return to pack up my house, sell my dogs, sell my truck, etc. These temporal things tug at my heart, as they symbolize my home and sanctuary in Jos. Pray that I will have clarity to make decisions from here and for strength for those in Jos who will do all the work.

3) Please pray that I will allow the grief to come when I am in Tennessee. I've been holding back because I am not sure how to handle it, but I desire to meet it head on and I know that Jesus has allowed this storm and will meet me in the midst of it. Praise Him. (Matthew 14:22-33)

Erin

Tribute to my Mama

I am so glad my grandparents got married and that they had my mom, Candace Cook, who was born and raised in Hawaii. I am so glad that my dad, Keith Rigsby, who was born and raised in California, loved to surf. I am so glad that his passion for surfing took him to Hawaii, where he met my mom. I am so glad that he saw what a catch she was and that he lured her in. I am so glad that they got married and had me. I am so glad I get to say that I was born in Hawaii ;)

As God had planned, Candace Cook Rigsby is my Mama. When I was born, she called me "Precious One" and has never stopped. We have a tape recording of when I was 2 or 3 yrs old and Mom and I are talking and going about our day. I love hearing my little voice, but even more I love to hear Mom's gentle, loving and patient one. Here's some other things I love about my mom...

~ she made homemade popsicles out of orange juice
~ she understood that I wake up very slowly in the mornings and never pressured me to be different
~ she would creatively pay my brother and I for doing chores around the house
~ sno-cones at Al's BBQ Barn
~ many, many, many trips to the library. She fostered a love for reading in my brother and me that will last for the rest of our lives.
~ for years, just before school started in August, she and I would have our annual shopping trip to Austin
~ her laugh
~ using our frequent flyer miles to go to Hawaii for my 20th birthday. Will never forget being taught how to surf at Waikiki by a Hawaiian man with a big belly, long hair and brown, leathery skin. Awesome.
~ driving me to T-ball practices/games, play practices, v-ball practices, b-ball practices, cheerleading, football games. Never complaining, always willing and happy.
~ the random memory of her eating 'wheat germ' when we were kids. Now, for the past 10 or so years, she has been drinking grass and carrot juice. But, hey, she is healthy :)
~ man, she made the best orange julius' when I was sick.
~ going on a mission trip to China with her and watching her come alive in ways I'd never seen before.
~ when I was 14, she would let me 'drive' from the passenger side, by holding onto the steering wheel. Of course, now she regrets doing that. But at the time, it got her the label of very cool mom.
~ she is super practical. If it's uncomfortable, she's not wearing it.
~ MANY a time, she has given great advice that makes perfect sense, but not always at the time when I am FEELING such and such. I've learned over the years to say 'Hey Mom, I am just venting. I will get your advice later'. And I always do, because it is always gooood.
~ hours of prayer and Bible Study. As far back as I can remember, my mom will lay in bed and just pray and pray and pray.... without falling asleep! What a warrior. She's going to get some crowns in heaven for all those hours talking with the Father. She also LOVES to read the Bible. Every day. She usually reads it before bed and I loved walking in and seeing her reading out of enjoyment and pleasure - with no agenda - only to know her Father more. She loves the Old Testament and loves reading through whole books at a time and gleaning from the mistakes and triumphs of the men and women who have gone before us. For 8 years, she was in Bible Study Fellowship and would spend 2-3 hours a day studying and praying. No wonder she is so full of grace and wisdom and love.
~ man, I sure put her through some you know what for a couple years in high school. Goodness, she persevered. She put her foot down. She didn't care about what others thought or what I thought - she knew what was right. She gave me space but also gave me discipline.
~ she could care less about being a 'cool mom'. She stood her ground, she was consistent, she said 'no', she made me come home, she took away the keys to my car, she told me exactly what was on her mind about what I was doing and who I was doing it with. And that, in my book, made her cool (although I never told her that at the time).
~ we were blessed that she was a stay-at-home mom our entire lives. It was so great to have her take me to school and pick me up each day.
~ the smell of her face when I hug and kiss her good-night. She has used the same facial products for years and years and oh, how I love the scent.
~ all my life, she has told me that rainy days are 'cozy days' - a great day to curl up and read a novel while drinking coffee. To this day, I still view rainy days as cozy days and am so glad she has passed this on to me.
~ attention to detail! She has taught me to never buy the clothes that are on top of the pile or at the front of the rack, since those are the ones that everyone touches. Get the best from the back. Inspect it, too. It also applies to noticing beautiful detail - in rooms, on walks, in restaurants. I love how she is all about the atmosphere of the place and that's how I am, too.
~ she is a loving, dedicated, prayerful and wonderful companion to my dad. I know it is a rare thing for a couple to be together for 36 years and I don't take it for granted.
~ when I had my lung surgery last year, she literally took on the symptoms herself. She didn't want them, but she had them because of her intense love for me. As I got better, so did she. Now that is something.

She visited me in Nigeria. It was precious for both of us, as she stepped into my world.

After she visited, we had a lovely vacation in England. We really enjoy each others company and just have fun together. No drama. I like that about my mom.

Boy, does this woman LOVE coffee. When I stayed with my parents, coffee was offered about every two hours. :-) I love how she has passed on to me the fun event of drinking coffee and loving it and sharing that time with others. I also get a kick about how hot she must have it - after she pours it, she puts it in the microwave for 30 seconds! She also adores our Twinkie-dog, her constant companion :)

I could go on and on... I love Candace Cook Rigsby soooooooooooooo much. Mom, thank you for loving me just as I am, for all you've done and continue to do for Shane and me, and for being just who you are - I wouldn't want you any other way. Fishy kisses, Mama!

Finding joy in the midst of uncertainty

Taken from 'My Utmost For His Highest' by Oswald Chambers....

Naturally, we are inclined to be so mathematical and calculating that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We imagine that we have to reach some end, but that is not the nature of spiritual life. The nature of spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty, consequently we do not make our nests anywhere. Common sense says - "Well, supposing I were in that condition . . ." We cannot suppose ourselves in any condition we have never been in. Certainty is the mark of the common-sense life: gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness, it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. Immediately we abandon to God, and do the duty that lies nearest, He packs our life with surprises all the time.

When we become advocates of a creed, something dies; we do not believe God, we only believe our belief about Him. Jesus said, "Except ye become as little children." Spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, but uncertain of what He is going to do next. If we are only certain in our beliefs, we get dignified and severe and have the ban of finality about our views; but when we are rightly related to God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy.

"Believe also in Me," said Jesus, not - "Believe certain things about Me." Leave the whole thing to Him, it is gloriously uncertain how He will come in, but He will come. Remain loyal to Him.

Snapshot of History

In my previous post, I shared with you about Ray de la Haye. His grandson, Doug, has this picture of Ray on his Facebook. I LOVE this pic and asked permission from Doug to share it with you. This pic was taken, decades ago, after Ray shot a hippo. I mean, how AWESOME is that?????? Check out all the Nigerians in the background. :) This is a sort of tribute to Ray - for living on the edge, right in the midst of the people, with a big smile on his face and Jesus in his heart and overflowing into his life!

I began at the end

Before I moved to Nigeria in 2003, SIM asked me to spend a month in Sebring, FL, working as a nurse at the SIM Retirement Village. It was one of the most powerful months of my life. The Village is a small neighborhood that is owned by SIM. All the houses there are occupied by retired missionaries and the staff who care for them. It's a gorgeous, yet simple setting. There's nothing pretentious about it, yet it exudes of royalty.

The 'Saints of Sebring', as I fondly call them, are ages 65-98 years old! Many of them spent 30+ years overseas. When they went overseas (many went by ship), they knew it was very possible that they would not return. These Saints were not able to have contact with their families except through a letter every couple months. During my month there in 2003, I spent hours in their homes, listening to their stories of God's faithfulness, of tragedy, and of humor. Oh, how they made me laugh!

I felt very honored by the opportunity to 'begin at the end', as I like to call it. God allowed me to kind of fast-forward 40 years and see where I could be living. He prodded me with questions of commitment, conviction and concern to live without regret. He showed me what I needed, in my flesh, to see: His materialistic provisions to His people who have served Him with their lives - The homes are cute, the cars are nice, the health care is available.... I saw first-hand how He takes care of His children until our last breath.

When I visited in 2003, I was so sure that I would spend 30+ years overseas. I am thankful for that commitment God gave me, as it helped me to totally immerse myself in my life in Nigeria. Over the past couple years, God has been refining me and asking me if I am completely satisfied with Him, no matter where I go or what I do. With my recent health challenges, I have been learning more and more what it means to live in daily surrender.

Back to present day... I recently had the blessing of returning to Sebring again. As soon as I drove into the neighborhood, tears started flowing (I am not one to cry easily). I felt His presence so strongly then and every day I was there. God used those few days to once again refocus my passions, desires, motives, and purpose.

Here are a few of my Heroes in the Faith...

Penny Pinneo. She contracted Lassa Fever as a young missionary in Nigeria. She almost died, but God saved her and used the antibodies in her blood to save many other lives, too!
A phenomenal book, Fever: The Hunt for a New Killer Virus, was written about her! 60+ years later, Penny still has effects from the Fever. Penny has kept in touch with me over the past 5 years and her faithfulness to the Lord floors me and causes me to evaluate my own devotion.

Ruth Grimshaw. She spent 30+ years in Nigeria, teaching at a small Bible school in the bush. She was a 'real missionary'. I've been to the area she lived, and even now, decades later, it is too rural for me! She spends hours at her typewriter, encouraging missionaries and keeping in touch with those she loves.

Combined years of missionary service overseas: 125+... These dear saints treated me to lunch at the Olive Garden. Penny had never been before! They also surprised me with an envelope full of money and told me to treat myself. :-) Wow, right? Mom and I used their gift to go see the Broadway musical, Mary Poppins. One of the most fun I've had in a long time. Lois, in black, sends me a donation every month. She also tells the funny story: Back in her day, the SIM Nigeria policy was that if a guy and girl spent time together, they had to have a chaperone and they had to have a lantern with them. Lois says, with a straight face, that nobody ever said the lantern had to be lit. :-) Oh, my, what good laughs we had.

Ray de la Haye. I think Ray spent over 40 years in Nigeria. His children are also in ministry. I met him in 2003. He was fluent in Hausa and French and read out of his Hausa Bible everyday. Hausa is the language in the area of Nigeria I serve in. He was the first person I ever heard speak in Hausa. Over the years, Ray would send me short, typed notes, letting me know he prayed for me every day. Late in 2008, Ray had to move into a nursing home. When I visited Sebring a couple weeks ago, I went to see Ray. It was really difficult to see a shadow of the man I had known. He was unable to speak very well, but he smiled when he saw me and grasped onto my hand. Ray seemed so close to seeing his Savior face to face and I felt overwhelmed with emotions: of thankfulness to see him once again, of desire to serve faithfully to the end like Ray, of reality that our bodies are wasting away each day, but that we can be renewed in our spirits, through God's work in our lives... I kissed Ray on the forehead and told him, through my tears, how proud I am to have known him, that he has finished well, and that he is one of my heroes.

Two days later, Ray left this earth and is currently speaking his heart language with the Father.

Magnify

I'd like to share with you something that I am learning and trying to put into practice each day...

If you're at a ballgame or at a play and your seats are in the back, it is difficult to see what is going on. You can use binoculars to help you see in better detail. The players or actors have not grown in size, but the binoculars magnify their size. A player you thought was skinny now looks strong. An actor you thought to be really pretty actually has a big pimple on her nose. The binoculars magnify everything and show you details that perhaps you wish would not have focused on and could have lived without.

Same with our thoughts.

The actual situation or issue may not grow in size. But the more we think about it, dwell on it, talk about it with others... the more it is magnified. The more its power over us grows. The more we magnify it, the more ugliness and imperfections we see - either in ourselves or in others.

But, if we focus on the Lord, if we think about Him, dwell on His promises and character, talk about Him with others.... the more He is magnified! The more power He has over us! The more of His beauty and perfections we see. The more we love Him... and love ourselves... and love others.

O magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt His name together. Psalm 34:3

May Erin always be fat

In Nigeria, food is a luxury and health is not a right. Men like their women with meat on their bones. If the lifestyle did not demand so much physical labor and exercise, I think there would be a lot of very big people in Nigeria, because they love food! I love how they love their food! Many times I watched in amazement as our 7 year old boys would eat a portion of food three times what my stomach could handle. Because they are naturally a very active society: walking everywhere, carrying 30 lb buckets of water for long distances, playing soccer hours each day... they burn off all those calories and are really strong.

However, as they get older and have families, if the wife is a little (or a lot) overweight, to some tribes, it is a very good thing. To be overweight is to show that your husband is caring for you and is providing food for you. It is a luxury to have enough food that you are a little overweight. (I realize this may be a generalization, but this is what I have gathered from my years there.)

As a result, any time that a slender person should gain even a little weight, the Nigerians exclaim with glee and say 'Oh, you are so fat!', which, to a Nigerian, translates 'Oh, you are so healthy!'.
To an American woman, it translates as 'Oh, you are so fat!' :)

As a tall and usually pretty slender woman, my Nigerian colleagues and friends would notice if I gained a little or lost a little weight. I guess they felt that since I was slender, that I was not eating enough (which was sometimes true and also thanks to bouts of Giardia). And they also took it upon themselves to worry about me, since I don't have husband to do that.

During my 2006 furlough to Texas, let's just say I really enjoyed my chips and salsa. And was sick and pretty inactive for 3 months = some weight gain. Not fat by any means.... BUT, when I returned to Nigeria, OH how happy the kids, my colleagues and friends were! I cannot tell you how many times a DAY I heard "Oh, you are SO fat!", followed by hugs and laughter. I knew they were telling me they loved how I looked and were paying a compliment, indirectly, to the care my parents showed to me. :) My self esteem had to recover a bit, to be honest, but then I decided that it was a positive thing and sucked it up... and sucked it in.

All that brings me to last Sunday at The Moody Church. I sat down next to two lovely older ladies I have not seen in awhile. One of them remarked "You look like you are feeling better. How is your health these days?" The other one said "Yes, you look like you gained some weight."
Ok, now, how would YOU respond, ladies? I flashed back to all those hours I have spent in the gym the past few months, all those nutritious meals I have been eating, and then realize that, yes, I may have gained 5 pounds (of muscle, right?), but I FEEL great and am getting stronger and building my endurance.... so all that flashed in my mind in like 2 seconds... so I responded with laughter and said "Now, I am not sure how to respond to that. But I will say that in Nigeria, if a woman looks healthy, then people say she looks fat."

The dear old woman looked me in the eye and said with a straight face, "Well, then may Erin always be fat."

Amen.

Seattle!

Last weekend I flew to Seattle to meet Jamie Higbee. Jamie spent 6 months in Nigeria, but we never connected because I was in the states recovering from surgery while she was there. During her time, Jamie kept a great blog www.jamiehigbee.blogspot.com and I felt like I already knew her before we met face to face. She was a great host and I loved getting to know her and hear her heart for the Lord and her desire to serve Him in any capacity. We had gorgeous weather during my visit - sunny and in the 50's - which I am told is very unusual for Seattle. We took advantage of it and spent a lot of time outside. The picture of us above was taken at Pike Place Market.


There were lots of fruit and vegetable stands, which kind of reminded me of Nigeria, since they were outside. The big difference is that, as you can see above, the prices for each item are displayed. In the Nigerian markets, there are no set prices, so you have to barter for everything, which I actually loved to do.

I've never liked any seafood I've tasted, so when Jamie asked me what I wanted to do in Seattle, I mentioned eating some fresh seafood, since not eating seafood for all of these years has away a lot of fun and healthy options! Jamie likes clams (ugh), so I took this shot of her at the market. We did go out to eat for some INCREDIBLE seafood - I am now a fan of crab cakes and salmon. Jamie's kind fiance paid for our meals, so that made it taste even better. Thanks, Shawn!


At Pike Place Market is the first ever Starbucks Store. Of COURSE I had to go there. Notice the look of excitement on my face. It's on a boardwalk of sorts, and the inside of the store has very old wooden floors and counters. The place was packed and after the cashier took the orders, he/she would throw the cups across the store to the baristas. Very fun atmosphere. It was warm outside... 50 degrees!... so I enjoyed my first frappuccino in months.



Outside the Starbucks was this singing quartet (fourth guy stepped out of the shot), which added to the atmosphere.

Pike Place Market is famous for throwing fish. Seriously. The chaps who work at this stand (see one of them in the orange fishing pant thingys) sing out to one another and from time to time throw big fish to each other. We were able to be there when a couple of the customers ordered these big black fish and they volunteered to catch them. So the chap stood about 20 feet from the customer and tossed the fish and hey, the lady caught the fish beautifully and the man almost dropped it. I was impressed and proud at that moment.



There are lots of little islands around Seattle. Early Saturday morning we went on a ferry ride to one of the islands. It was a beautiful ride and perfectly clear morning. Jamie says that sometimes whales make an appearance. These huge ferries go back and forth every hour, carrying cars and people. It was a fun, cultural thing to experience.


When we arrived at the little island, we headed straight to this little crepe shop. Yum! If you've never had one, please do yourself a favor and eat one when you can... the best kind is with Nutella, strawberries, and whip cream. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!


Eating our crepe's!


The view on the way back to the ferry.

We did actually do some 'work' while I was there. :) We set up two tables in the sanctuary of her church. After each service, we were able to share with a lot of individuals about City Ministries. We also sold bags and pants that the widows in our ministry make. Below, Jamie is modeling how to put on the wrap pants - which is an interesting process, but the final look is great! Sorry I don't have a pic of the final look, though.



It was a really fun trip and it was so great to get to know Jamie better. I love seeing how God works, how He connects people and brings them together to accomplish His purposes.

Divine Appointment

What is a 'Divine appointment'? It's when you cross paths with someone and you know, without a doubt, that God orchestrated it for a very specific purpose. Well, that's my definition and that's how I pray, that God will bring people across my path in ways I could not come up with, to achieve His plans in our lives.

Today's Divine appointment~ I've been borrowing a friends car, but she needed it this weekend. Church is too far away for me to walk, so I tried calling the cab company a few times, but never got through. I figured it would take awhile for me to get a cab on the street on a early Sunday morning, so I intended to get an early start. Well, if you know me, you know I am not a fast mover in the mornings, especially if I have not had enough coffee. So I finally got out the door and walked to the main street near my apartment. I looked up and down the street and no taxis were coming. Then I heard a honk and saw that a taxi was parked on the side of the road 'waiting' for me. (per God's agenda).

On the way to church, the driver asked me if The Moody Church has a lot of people (yes). He then asked if you have to wait in line to get a seat ( I explained no). He then asked me how I pray and what do I pray (so I briefly shared that because I have a relationship with Jesus Christ, I talk to Him about everything, at any time).

By this point, I could tell he was interested and then I noticed that he had the Moody radio station turned on. So I asked him if he goes to church. Ajit* said that he used to go a lot, but then his wife stopped going and so he stopped going.

He said in all the 23 years of driving taxis, he has never had a woman in his cab going to church on Sunday mornings. (for REAL?) So now I was really interested and by this time, we had pulled up to the entrance, so we could really start talking.

Ajit is from India and is from a Muslim background. But a few years ago, one of his sons started attending a church in Chicago. One by one, all of his children, his wife, and then him started going to church and 'converted' from Islam. Ajit kept referring to his wife and I can tell the Lord has really used her in his life (ladies, don't give up!). I asked him if he reads the Bible and he said he cannot understand the 'thees', 'thous' and all that - Oh! So I wrote down that he should try out the New International Version and start in the book of John.

"When I am in church, I am a different person. When I am not in church, I am not happy." Ajit said.

So I encouraged him to bring his wife to Moody. I told him that all different nationalities and backgrounds are represented at Moody. I then asked him if I could pray for him and he responded enthusiastically!

Ajit said that he never stops and parks his cab, but for 'some reason' he did it this morning just before I crossed the street. :) I encouraged him that the Lord loves him so much and wanted to encourage him this morning.

I share this because I want to increase my faith - sharing God's work with others does that. I share this because Ajit needs prayer and I want to let you know about him. I share this because I want to encourage you to pray for Divine appointments - for God to use you in the lives of others as you go about your daily tasks. The more you pray for it, the more aware you are. The more aware you are, the more empowered you are to be used by God to accomplish His purposes!

God's plan for each life will be accomplished - with or without us. What a blessing that He wants to include you and me to reach out, to love, to be bold, to show compassion, to share Truth.

Let's keep inviting Him in to our days, our errands, our decisions.... and live in expectation to be used for His glory!

*not his real name

Favour's new life

Favour is 4 years old. She and her brother, Abraham, who is 9 years old, have endured things no child should. Their mother was a prostitute. When she would go to work, she would leave the children behind and tied Favour by her leg to the bedpost to keep her from leaving. Abraham was in charge of watching Favour each night. Last year, their mom suddenly died and a Nigerian woman from a local church took in the two orphans. However, her husband said that they could not care for Favour and Abraham, in addition to their own six children. The woman heard about City Ministries and in October 2008, Favour and Abraham moved into one of our Care Centers.

I just received news that Favour is doing really well and has just started preschool! Here are a few pictures taken on her first day of school.

Favour was rescued from a life of neglect, poverty and fear. She is now thriving in a safe, loving and Christ-centered environment. Favour now gets to go to school and play and laugh and eat three meals every day... the life that every child should have.

Pieces of the Tapestry

What is a Tapestry? It is a form of art, where all the individual pieces are hidden in the completed work.


Today, I saw a small thread of God's tapestry when His people gathered in a conference room on the 17th floor of a building in the heart of downtown Chicago. I saw mostly men, lawyers, who make it a priority to stop once and week and come together to encourage one another and to be taught from the Word. They dug into the Word, they asked questions, good discussions were going on, but all under incredible humility. In this corporate environment, all credentials were checked at the door as we all sat down to learn from the Word through the Holy Spirit and through each other.

The gentleman who approached me after church last week, had invited me to attend this study and to come as often as possible. He is brainstorming about how he can help me connect with some people who love Africa, people who have a passion for children and how they could possibly partner with City Ministries.

I left that meeting and hopped into a cab to take me across the river (you've see the scenes in the movies). It's gorgeous and frozen now. I hop out just after crossing the bridge and head to my next appointment and the next thread in the tapestry. I am joyfully embraced by a woman who's never met me face to face, but apparently has made use of my blog and website and is full of compassion for the lost and wants to come up with ways to improve their lives and also help them to grow in Christ. She has been praying for a long time for one woman to come and help her know how to start living overseas. (She thinks I may be the answer to her prayer!) She is really praying about going to Nigeria for a 6 weeks vision trip and seeing what God does through that in her life and how that could expand in many other ways. We had a great chat over yummy broccoli, hummus, and cashews, with her dog laying by the fire.

These are ways that God is interweaving His threads in the tapestry of life. It is beautiful, to step back and see, but it is a limited view because all of us have our own piece that is being created. And one day, we will be in speechless awe when we can view how our every day decisions really impact so many others actions because we are all created equal and in that creativity, the uniqueness we each possess, the uniqueness that gets us off the boat and into the water, the gift that allows us to do something we never thought possible, that prayer that renews hope, that justice that saves one from despair... all the heartbeat of ONE... our Audience of ONE. When, in fact, we are His Audience as He moves, creates, refines, burns, tears, restores His children so that we are where we are to fulfill His purpose for us in that little piece of the tapestry.

Piece by piece by piece, we start to see His plans, purposes and reasons. A limited view, yes, but we are allowed enough to be encouraged to keep adding to the tapestry of our lives so that He can complete the Masterpiece.... and then we can all go Home.

Until then, my piece.... your piece... woven through our obedience to His Holy Spirit who guides and instructs. Making decisions that unselfishly do not meet our needs, but look to the needs of others. Our pieces woven through tears, sacrifice, loss, joy, hope, fun, good health, poor health... There IS a purpose to it all! It is not all for nothing! Oh the beautiful love of Jesus. So simple, free and available to all. Accept His love and watch Him use your past and present experiences to weave a beautiful tapestry and then hands it over to you to continue. He has the Plan and knows the End. But He wants us to experience the joy of hearing His voice and obeying Him and seeing how our actions can very positively affect people around us. He wants us to see that we may feel insecure or unable to accomplish anything. But He reminds us that He has just given us a small piece of the tapestry (of the picture) and that is all we are responsible for now. He'll give us more when we are ready. More opportunities, more of those out-of-the-comfort-zone times, more challenges, more victories.... all part of the plan of His Ultimate Plan for His Kingdom.

Thank, You , Lord for being so detail oriented and for giving us the incredible honor to see how You connect people, places, ideas, strategies, creativity, resources.... all for the end game, the completed work of Your tapestry...
That every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

He took it !!

On December 13th, I wrote a blog and titled it 'He can take it'. I shared my struggle with the financial needs of the ministry and how I knew I was depending too much on myself to try and fix the problem. That's so American, by the way, to try and fix everything. :) I am praying that I will focus more on relationships than on tasks, but that is a challenge here in this task-driven society. Well, God knows my heart....

Anyways, the reason I was so burdened on the 13th, was because I was sharing about the ministry at The Moody Church Christmas Festival on the 14th. To about 4,000 people. Yeah.

I rarely ever get nervous in public speaking, so the fact that I was nervous made me even more nervous. That's why I knew I needed to take it to Him, and let Him take it from me. And boy, did He take it!!!

Yesterday in church, Pastor Lutzer shared how, in the 30 years of being at pastor at Moody, he had never said something about the people of Moody Church . He had never said that he is proud of them. But, he decided it is time to say he is proud of the church! Then he called me up on stage (took me by surprise) and said "At the Christmas Festival, Erin shared that City Ministries needs $50,000 to help feed the kids. We did not get $50,000. This morning, your bulletin says we got $62,000. We did not get $62,000. In fact, we raised $76,500!!!"
(again, took me by surprise). :)

Is that not just the coolest, most wonderful display of generosity from God's people? Especially taking into consideration the economic issues. This testifies that God is not bound by earthly things and that His purposes will be accomplished! It is up to us if we want to be a part of His plans.

I am so thankful to Pastor Erwin Lutzer (pictured here on the night of the Festival) for his support, compassion, and love for City Ministries Nigeria. The people of The Moody Church have sacrificially given, so very generously, so that the children in Nigeria can know that they will get three meals every day for the next year.

Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. ~ Malachi 3:10

Watching the video

For all of the folks who subscribe to this blog and automatically get the new entries...
Apparently when you got the one I sent a couple days ago, the video may not have shown up in your inbox.
Please click HERE to see it.
Sorry about that. Was the first time I've ever posted a video.

Take a 4 Minute Trip to Nigeria

You are formally invited to take a brief journey to Nigeria! I would love to take this opportunity to bring the children of City Ministries into your home. May the hope, love and peace in their faces encourage you and bless your hearts. So turn up the volume on your speakers, sit back, relax and enjoy this exciting trip to Nigeria!




Sara Groves is singing the song in this video, called "I Saw What I Saw".... She wrote it after her visit to Rwanda.

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it
Something on the road, cut me to the soul
Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I'm afraid of (what I am made of) and what I know of love.

Words cannot express the gratitude the children and we in the ministry have for all of the people who have partnered with us; in prayer, finances, resources, visits, emails, gifts, encouraging words.... Because of you, we can continue caring for the 350 + children in our Care Centers.

Because of you:
~ they get 3 hot, nutritious meals a day
~ their school fees are paid for each term
~ they receive medical care
~ they have a blanket and a bed to call their own
~ they have clean clothes and shoes and take a bath every day
~ they are loved by Nigerians who live with them, teach them the Word of God, and provide a
safe place for them to call Home
~ they are being equipped to be future Christian leaders in Nigeria

Without you:
~ they would go hungry
~ they would be illiterate and uneducated
~ they would be constantly sick with malaria, giardia, typhoid, etc
~ they would be sleeping on the streets
~ their clothes would be torn and dirty and their bodies would be covered in filth
~ they would be taken advantage of, could turn to a life of crime and violence, and would not be protected from the evils of abuse and street life
~ they would possibly be without the hope, life and eternal salvation through Jesus Christ

Click here to help us contine caring for the children we already have, and to allow more children to come off the streets, away from abuse, out of despair....and into a family of love and protection! After you fill out the form, you'll be directed to another page... Designate your gifts 'Erin Rigsby - Ministry Account' -- and you can be assured whatever amount you give will directly impact the lives of these children.

He can take it

Why is it that I tend to take the responsibility on my shoulders? Responsibility for my friends' well-being, the stranger who does not know Christ, the decisions that other people make that will impact their own lives, the health of our kids in Nigeria, the ever-increasing and oh, so burdening needs we have to care for all these kids.... (this last one is really weighing on me). It's like I somehow feel that in my feeble, limited, and biased understanding of life, that I can actually have the power within these bones and marrow to really make a difference. I mean, why would I trust this body and mind that are decaying minute by minute, have failed me time and time again, and continue to drive me nuts by their weakness... and yet I still have a tendency to think "Ok, Self, let's get to it, make this work, get things done, make a difference." Geez, what pride and ignorance and just plain stupidity. Now, I am not condemning myself here, just stating the facts. And I am really just reminding myself that I am not able to do anything of eternal value within my own strength, intellect, ability, or even determination. Everything done within my own 'strength' will get burned up and won't last. I am reminded tonight that Eternal Significance is not what is seen, but what is unseen. What a relief to know that the things I see, that you see, are not really all there is. There is more, oh so much more!!!

Father, please forgive me for even thinking for a second that I can accomplish anything of eternal worth apart from You. Thank You for the Holy Spirit Who instructs, convicts, and guides. I don't want to be the same person day after day. In my inmost being, I want to grow, to be molded, to decrease in my selfish ambitions and vain deceit. How foolish of me to get anxious about finances in our ministry - they are YOUR children whom You have brought to us and You will take care of them! You love them as much as You love me. You love me as much as You love them! I receive Your love and forgiveness and pray that not by my meek might, nor by my pathetic power, but by Your Spirit will You move mountains and show Yourself mighty in Power, Provision, and Peace! In the Name of Jesus, the Name Above All Names, I pray. Amen and Amen.

Life lessons

I recently found out that I have been medically cleared to return to Nigeria! My doctors and SIM discussed my situation and agreed that I may return in May/June next year. Until then, I will work for SIM in Chicago as a recruiter and a mentor to people preparing to go into missions.

My journey the past 7 months has been an arduous, yet beautiful one. When I went in the hospital for my lung surgery, my doctor said I may never get to return to Nigeria. Oh, how my heart broke and I literally cried out to God from my hospital bed. "Why, Lord, would You give me such an intense passion for the children, only to take it away? Why, Lord, when You ask for people to go into the world, would you keep me from going?" I was confused, angry, and felt at a loss for words to what was going on in my heart. There were days when I just wanted to ignore God and not talk to Him, to just live my own life. Oh, praise HIM! for not allowing my heart to harden. Even in the dark moments, by His strength, I kept the lines of communication open with Him. I told Him exactly how I was feeling at that moment. If I was angry at Him, He knew. If I was tempted to rebel, He knew. Although in His infinite power He already knew my heart, He loved and continues to love to hear me tell it to Him. This brings the emotions, doubts and fears to the surface and into the light. When truth is exposed, darkness has no power - it must flee in the presence of light.

I admit that at first, I was a very determined lady. I insisted, to anyone who asked, that I was definitely going back to Nigeria. I could not imagine otherwise. Over the weeks of a slow and painful physical recovery, my spirit was also recovering. The Lord promises to heal us, but not necessarily physically. His utmost desire is that we love Him above ourselves and that we love His people. In His gentle way, He revealed to me that to move forward in any way, without His blessing, would not only be foolish, but potentially dangerous. Were my desires His desires? Were my thoughts His thoughts? Was I really willing to obey Him, even if it meant not allowing me to see my children in Nigeria again, my dogs, my house, my dear friends? It was not an easy or fast process. God used His people, His Word, and His voice on many occasions to speak truth in the midst of my storm of emotions.

Over the months, through the lessons I was learning, I began to feel waves of peace and contentment. I desperately wanted to hold onto them, but then I would look at pictures of Nigeria, or I would have a difficult time breathing, and then discouragement would come again. God really does not want us to let our feelings dictate the way we live and the decisions we make. We are emotional beings, but so many times I find that my emotions are so much all over the place that I can't trust myself. Good. Oh, that I will not trust in man, money, health, circumstances... that my decisions and passions should come from knowing Him, from desiring Him, from trusting Him -- the One who created me and knows me so much better than I know myself.

By the time I went for a week of hospital tests in Colorado in October, I was full of contentment and peace and really expected to be told that I could not return to Nigeria. Of course, I still really wanted to return, but since God had been teaching me so many lessons, I figured it was to prepare me to really let go of my life in Nigeria. So, you can imagine my surprise when the doctor told me that he would clear me to go back to Nigeria. I have 'constrictive bronchiolitis', meaning that my lungs trap air and don't expel it as efficiently as they should. However, he feels that it is mild and should not worsen. The dry season in Nigeria (Oct - April) would irritate and cause coughing, so that is why I am not returning until May/June.

Life lessons have been taught to me by Jehovah Rapha, our God Who Heals. I praise Him that I was able to discern His voice, to continue communicating with Him, to daily/hourly choose to let go.... and in letting go, I have received His heart's desire for me... for I am His heart's desire. And so are you.



"Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in Him, because we trust in His holy name. Let Your steadfast love be upon us, O Lord, be upon us, even as we trust in You." Psalm 33:20-22.

New Girls

In the past few weeks, I have learned about the new girls who have arrived in our Care Center.
Although I have not had the opportunity to meet them yet, I am already drawn to them and love them dearly. Their faces and their stories are heart-breaking, yet hope-giving... The Lord took them out of painful and hopeless surroundings and brought them to a new home where they are loved and protected.


Favor is 3 1/2 years old. We usually take in children who are older, but her situation was very traumatic. She arrived last week with her 9 year old brother. Favor's mother was a single parent and a prostitute who lived on her own with no contact to any family. She used to go to work at night and would tie Favor to the bed post with string so that she would not wander. Then at Christmas time last year, their mother suddenly died and never left any provision for them.

A lady from the local church who had tried to befriend the mother took them in, but as she has six children of her own, her husband gave her the ultimatum either them or him....so...amongst much sadness she brought them to us. Here is precious Favor... what a fitting name for the way the Lord has bestowed Favor on this young child!

Patience a sweet, 10 year old. She is an orphan who was brought into the ministry because she was neglected by her relatives.



Rose, a spunky ten year old, is an orphan was brought to the ministry after her life was at risk from her family and her community because of her involvement in a cult.




Happy and Sandra, funny little sisters, ages 6 and 9, were brought to us by their aunt who took them out of a broken, polygamous home.




Although these girls and the rest of the children are across the world from me, I think of them and dream about them all the time. This passion in my soul, this burning to help them and to love them, it seems to consume me... this need to serve our Father and love His children is slightly quenched when I can share their stories with you.

Choose to refuse

Our God has a sense of humor. I flipped open the wonderful devotional "Jesus Calling" to the 'wrong' days entry, but the first few words caught my eyes, so I read it and was put in my place. Many of us are in a place of unknown and questions and I hope this will encourage you as much as it encouraged me....

"Trust Me and refuse to worry, for I am your Strength and Song. You are feeling wobbly this morning, looking at difficult times ahead, measuring them against your own strength. However, they are not today's tasks - or even tomorrow's. So leave them in the future and come home to the present, where you will find Me waiting for you. Since I am your Strength, I can empower you to handle each task as it comes. Because I am your Song, I can give you Joy as you work alongside Me.

Keep bringing your mind back to the present moment. Among all my creatures, only humans can anticipate future events. This ability is a blessing, but it becomes a curse whenever it is misused. If you use your magnificent mind to worry about tomorrow, you cloak yourself in dark unbelief. However, when the hope of heaven fills your thoughts, the Light of My Presence envelops you. "

(Exodus 15:2, 2 Corinthians 10:5, Hebrews 10:23)

Wow. Chew on that for a little bit and digest it, so that you choose to refuse to worry. Choose to refuse. Choose to refuse. Choose to refuse.

Miracle's do happen

Earlier this year I introduced Miracle to my blog readers. She was found as a newborn, lying in dirt with a dog chewing on her umbilical cord. For the full story, see the entry on Jan 28,2008.
This is the picture she and I took together when she was two months old.


I fell in love with her and would see her often to love on her and watch her grow. Nicky sent me these pictures of her now. Is she not just the most adorable thing??? You can see why Aunty Erin is really really missing her. She is now 10 months old and has started to walk !!! she didn't bother crawling just got up and walked...she is such a beautiful little girl it is so hard to imagine why someone should want to abandon her, but God had other plans for her life....and she is...





a walking Miracle.