video

If you receive my blog updates via email, you'll need to click on "Erin's Entry" to view the powerful video that goes along with the lyrics on previous post.

Go on up to the mountain of mercy

To the crimson perpetual tide

Kneel down on the shore

Be thirsty no more

Go under and be purified

Follow Christ to the holy mountain

Sinner sorry and wrecked by the fall

Cleanse your heart and your soul

In the fountain that flowed

For you and for me and for all

CHORUS:

At the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree

On that beautiful, scandalous night you and me

Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white

On that beautiful, scandalous night

On the hillside, you will be delivered

At the foot of the cross justified

And your spirit restored

By the river that pours

From our blessed Savior's side

CHORUS

Go on up to the mountain of mercy

To the crimson perpetual tide

Kneel down on the shore

Be thirsty no more

Go under and be purified

Texas!

Hey y'all! I am moving to Texas!!! I will be leaving Chicago at the end of May/beginning of June. There is so much in this story to share with you and I hope I will make the effort to blog all about it soon.

Kingdom

Back in December I was having dinner with a friend and we were talking about the new year that was around the corner. She mentioned that for a few years she has picked a word to focus on for the whole year. The word guided her thoughts and her prayers, her readings and her conversations. One year she chose a word that she needed to work on, like 'patience'. The next year she chose an attribute of God's character, such as 'Provider'. I thought it was a great concept, but, like I do too many times, I forgot about it. (maybe my word should be 'Remember'.)

Then last week I was listening to the radio and a pastor was talking about the very same approach. He started doing this 5 years ago. He then encouraged his congregation to all have a word to focus on and learn to live by. He can immediately associate a word to a year. Like, 2005 = freedom because he can testify to all the lessons and ways he learned about living in freedom. After listening to him share, I could really understand the benefits to having a word.

I immediately knew what my word for 2011 is - Kingdom.

I had already been contemplating this word for about a month. One day in December, God brought a hurting young lady to my office at church. Whenever I counsel/sit with someone in a lot of pain and in need of a lot of wisdom, I constantly pray as she talks so that I will know how each of my responses should be. Many times I am being taught while sharing with someone. I love how God does that.

I told her we have a choice. We can either choose to build our own kingdom or we can choose to build God's kingdom. 

Erin's Kingdom - I want everything to worship me and to revolve around me. If something inconveniences me or gets in my way, I get irritated or honk my horn. How dare they? Don't they know who I am? If someone says something mean to me or ignores me, I shoot back a reply or sulk. Don't they know who I am? If a friend doesn't follow through or doesn't make the effort to spend time with me, I pull back or put up walls. Don't they know who I am?

God's Kingdom - Everything in my life worships Him and revolves around Him. If He asks, I will go. If He interrupts, I will listen. He is I AM. If He allows pain from others, I will look to Him. He is I AM. If He takes me to a place of loneliness and dependency, I will run to Him. He is I AM.

In God's Kingdom, everything in my life is to deflect off of Erin and onto I AM. Erin is just flesh and bones and blood. Erin is nothing. I AM is Creator God, King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Erin is foolish and selfish. I AM is the Author of wisdom and of love. Erin can't see past what is in front of her. I AM has already written the book of my life before one sentence came to be. Erin depends on others to bring validity and acceptance. I AM gives Erin validity and acceptance.

Now why would I ever want anyone to worship a being so limited, so self-serving, so near sighted as Erin? Why would I insist on building my own kingdom and achieving my own goals, while living where I want and spending 'my' money the way I want? Why do I believe I have certain rights and when those don't get fulfilled, I get in a tizzy? Why do I seek to have power to choose whom I love and whom I dismiss from my kingdom?  "If you love only those who love you, what good is that?" - Jesus.

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." - Jesus.

"I AM that I AM." Exodus 3:14 

Kingdom.  Not mine, His. 2011 is the year where God will drive this point into my being, my bone and marrow, again and again and again. It is not about me. It is all about Him.


"All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever." 1 Peter 1:24-25




 (see this link for more 'I am's http://www.bukisa.com/articles/270791_the-i-ams-of-god)

Did you know?

I've started another blog. It will be used for the purpose of raising awareness for children in need. I needed to have two separate blogs - one to share fun, random day to day stuff (this blog here) and another one to share about the very tragic things being done to children, the very incredible things God is doing around the world in the lives of children and what He expects from us, His followers and representatives.

My first two posts on this new blog lay the foundation for what's to come.

So check it out http://speakupforthechildren.blogspot.com/

And come back here from time to time for random posts about my life and those in it.

All the previous posts from Nigeria and beyond will remain on this blog.

Catching up a bit...

My mom's birthday was on June 22nd. Back in April, my dad called and suggested that I fly to Texas and surprise my mom for her birthday. I was super excited about it, but wondering how on earth my dad would be able to keep the secret for so long. Every week or so I would remind him with things like "Don't change the sheets on the guest bed", "Don't buy my favorite coffee creamer", "Don't drop any hints." He did great!!

I flew into Austin late Thursday night, June 17th. My brother, Shane, picked me up and we drove to my parents house. Their house has an exterior room. I sneaked in there around midnight. Around 5:30am my dad came in, all giddy with excitement to see me (so cute). My mom had just left for her walk, so I stayed put, waiting for her to do her routine. Mama is so predictable, I just love it. She finished her walk, made her coffee, and settled into her recliner with her crossword puzzle and paper. My dad came out to get me and we walked into the house (out of sight from my mom). I stayed behind and my dad went into the living room.

"Candy, put your coffee down. I have an early birthday present for you." (while saying this, he had his hand in a fist like he had something in it).

"Keith?"

"Ok, now close your eyes".

"Keith, what is in your hand?" - I think all women get uneasy when a guy asks them to close their eyes when holding something in his hand - flashback to middle school....

"Just close your eyes."

Then I stepped into the living room.

"Ok, now open your eyes."

"Good Morning, Mama!"

Her reaction was priceless! First she just stared, then she squeezed her eyes shut, then she jumped out of the chair (good call on putting the coffee down, Dad) to give me a huge hug.

" Wait, how did you get here?!" (she was not computing that I am still in my pajamas.)

Then she turned to Dad, and in all seriousness scolded him. "KEITH! The sheets aren't clean and that room is dirty!"

Oh, that was so awesome and so my mom! She just loves to be sure her family/guests feel welcomed.

I just grabbed her for another hug and we laughed and laughed.

(and while I was in the shower, she changed the sheets).

That same weekend I was home was also Father's Day. One of my favorite things to do with my Dad when I was a kid was to go fishing together. I've always had such good memories of his patience and kindness - he never got frustrated when I caught a tree limb or lost a lure. During my trip home, I wanted to be sure to go fishing with him again. We got up really early and drove down to the lake. It was such a peaceful time and I sat in the boat, reliving all of those memories with my dad and so thankful that we could spend time together fishing again. "Fishing" didn't quite happen, as I only caught one that got away before I reeled it in all the way. But we had a great time.

Before I left, we went fishing again, along the creek of the small town of Salado my parents live in. We had a lot more luck catching fish there. It was so Texan, really, fishing at the creek with my dad. I savored every minute.

I must share many photos of my precious nephew, Parker. I mean, seriously. He is even cuter in person.

Ali, Shane, Parker, Auntie Erin

We had taken him to a water park and he loved it! But he got so wiped out.

I love this picture I took of him on the way home.

He loves his Poppie!

I also got a wonderful surprise - Parker is going to be a big brother! Ali and Shane took him from me to change him. When they came back, he was wearing this onesie that Shane designed.

So fun!

He's gotta be a Cubs fan!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I met Susan in Nigeria. She is also a nurse and she worked with an AIDS outreach ministry and clinic. Susan lived across the street from me. My first memory of Susan is when we went to a worship service together and she was dancing right along with every one else. I knew then that we would be good friends. Life in Nigeria with the stressors of ministry, different schedules, and exhaustion that comes with living overseas didn't allow us to bond as much as we both had hoped. However, as God would have it, Susan returned from Nigeria to her home town of Wheaton, IL - a suburb of Chicago. As I went through my journey of grief about not returning to Nigeria, Susan was one person who completely understood my sorrow, as she too said good-bye to a land and people we both love so dearly. The past couple years cemented our relationship into a special one of kindred spirits - two women who really 'get' each other and who can burst out in Hausa from time to time, much to the amusement of those around us.

Last year, I dropped Susan off for a blind date with a guy she met through Facebook. I prayed with her and told her I would text in a couple hours, to give her a chance to leave him if she wanted to. When I texted, she responded that they were one their way to dinner. When I texted even later that night, she replied that they were having coffee again. :-) Needless to say, they fell quickly in love.

I love surprises, so after it was pretty clear that they were to be engaged, I contacted Matt and told him I would love to help in the proposal if necessary. We planned it that he would drive in from Ohio to meet Susan at the Starbucks where they had their blind date. I asked Susan to go out with me that night and to meet me at that Starbucks after work. All was a go, until that afternoon when Susan emailed me to say she was really tired from work and just wanted to take a rain check. Oh no! I then sent her a long email, guilting her into meeting me - that I really needed her. So, being the awesome friend that she is, she agreed to meet me. But when she walked into Starbucks, there was Matt! He proposed soon after.

All that earned me the right to be a bridesmaid. It was a beautiful wedding and celebration of a couple who love Jesus and love each other so much!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Corinne is my Swiss friend, who was also my neighbor in Nigeria. I love how dedicated Corinne is to children in need. While in Nigeria, she started a play therapy for our kids and was used greatly to help children process their trauma. Corinne is a young woman who trusts God completely, loves His people passionately, and is a loyal friend to all who know her.

She came to visit me in Chicago recently. I had a blast showing her around this city I love so much. Corinne had never seen a baseball game before (!!) so of course we had to go watch a Cubs game. (of course they lost, but whatever). In this picture is also my new roommate Beth and her mom.

My generous friend Mark let us join him and his friends on his sailboat. It was Memorial Day weekend, which is not quite considered summer weather yet in Chicago. However, it was a gorgeous day and we were able to enjoy the fireworks over the lake that night, too.



Ok, there's a little catch up on my life for you. Until next time.....

If this doesn't increase your faith in the Lord, I don't know what will...

Written by Kelly Malloy, missionary in Nigeria:

The story that I am about to tell you is absolutely the most AMAZING and unbelieveable narrative that I have ever written to you. I can imagine that many of you might have a hard time swallowing the details of the story of Emmanuel. Even our Nigerian co-workers have been taken aback by the history of this precious child. One of the pastors on the staff of City Ministries Nigeria is a manager of a Care Center with 10 boys. Pastor Bulus was on an outreach in a remote village. Ambling through a field on the outskirts of the village, he stumbled upon what he believed to be a log. How shocked he was to find that the tiny article at his feet was the wrecked body of a small boy. Lifting the boy into his arms, he raced into the town in search of help.

The villagers disdain was instantaneous as they recounted the story of the emaciated child. Calling the village leaders together, the story was unanumous; the boy had been born to a mad man and a weak woman. He did not thrive after birth, possibly a result of being "tongue tied" and malnourished. At the age of two, he was unable to speak or walk, which was unacceptable to his parents. Blinded by ignorance and fear, they concluded that their son was either a ghost or possessed by a demon. Their only solution was to leave him in the bush to die alone.

And there the boy remained for THIRTEEN YEARS. Alone. The mothers in the village came to the consensus that he was born the same year as their fifteen-year old sons. This area of the country is devoid of streamsand trees. Somehow he survived in the open fileds, subjected to six months of blistering sun, followed by six months of torrential rain. Agreeing that he must be a wicked spirit, the local people never took the child into their village. Never was he fed or clothed. He was never bathed, held, taught to speak, potty-trained, or loved. He experienced neither human contact nor kindness - ever.

Until, that is, the moment that the Lord placed him in the path of Pastor Bulus, a gentle and humble man. Almost immediately, Bulus bathed and clothed the child and placed food before him. The village women scoffed, "He doesn't know how to eat proper food from a plate Throw it in the dirt and let him eat like a dog!" Bulus refused, realizing then that the boy had possibly been filling his stomach with sand and dead leaves his entire life. Bulus pleaded with the village chief, "I will give you half of my salary if you will promise to care for this child in your own home." (His monthly salary is less than one meal at a nice American restaurant.) The chief refused the offer, giving Bulus full permission to take the boy back to the orphan home. Pastor Bulus aptly named him "Emmanuel" which means "God with us".

SIM missionary, Missy Camiola, holding Emmanuel

After spending several days in our Jos hospital, he began to exhibit signs of attachment to several people, and even crawled into my lap and fell asleep. His behaviors most closely resemble the jerky expressions of birds, and he appears to be very at peace in the presence of pastor Bulus, who is an excellent caretaker. Emmanuel weighs 22 pounds.

After three weeks in the City Ministries Nigeria Care Center, he has already learned to walk on shaky legs. He has discovered pounded yam and beans, which he eats from a bowl (that must be placed on the floor. He will not eat if anyone is looking at him. ) Emmanuel does not speak. He has very few human mannerisms, gestures, or noises.

As you can imagine, Emmanuel has a long road ahead of him, learning to live in civilization. Our most sincere prayer for him is that he will come to know the One who has daily protected him from starvation, dehydration, every kind of illness, snakes, countless other atrocities. As Bulus says, "He is a miracle. Only the Lord has been his Shepherd!" Please join us in prayer for Emmanuel and his full restoration. Pray for Pastor Bulus, his wife and the 10 other orphans as they care for and love Emmanuel.

Kelly is the nurse for the kids now (my old job). She's holding Emmanuel. Pastor Bulus found him. You can imagine how badly I wish I was holding him in this picture! Praise the Lord for these two incredible servants of God whom He has used to do miracles!

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,

for the rights of all who are destitute."

Proverbs 31:7-9

I walked out.

Yesterday I had a lustful thought.


Today I called a driver a certain something when he almost ran me off the road. (Not a great word to be saying as I would go to Jesus' arms, so I am glad that wasn't the last word of my life.)


Tonight I was angry, bitter, and jealous all at the same time. And that was right after I prayed to be free from the anger, bitterness and jealousy.


This is what goes on in my mind:

I'm pretty. I'm ugly. I'm popular. No one likes me. I'm successful. I'm a failure. I'm godly. I'm hopeless. I'm encouraging. People hate a suck-up. People look up to me. People are tired of me. I'm creative. I'm manipulative. I'm wise. Stupid! I'm full of faith. I'm full of something else. I'm a leader. I grovel for attention. I'm accepted. Rejected! I have so many great friends. I'm alone. I'm a hard worker. Can I be any more lazy? I'm an excellent nurse. Who would want to hire me? The kids in Nigeria miss me like crazy. Auntie Erin, who? I have a way with words. Shut my mouth and give them a break. They're blessed to know me. They are tired of me. I'm a great communicator. I have an ugly voice. I'm a great friend. Then why aren't I a better friend? I am strong. What a wimp. I hear God's voice. What a joke! I make a difference. I'm wasting my breath. I'm getting healthier. I'm afraid of sickness. I have a servant's heart. They don't want my help. I'm so forgiving. What a pushover! I have healthy boundaries. Don't be so rigid.

I am forgiven. Condemnation screams. I am accepted. Rejection mimics. I am free. Cell door locks.

And then....

In the prison I walked right into...

With the guilty sentence I accepted...

Slumped on the floor of the cell in defeat...

He speaks.

Yes, you lusted. But you quickly recognized it, asked for forgiveness, and redirected your thoughts.

Yes, you cussed. So, train your mouth to not cuss again by having My word on your tongue and in your heart.

Yes, you were angry, bitter and jealous. Yes, you harbored those thoughts for even a minute too long. But, you saw it for what it was. A cheap shot by a weak enemy. And you battled against those thoughts with Truth. And you were victorious.

I don't see sin when I look at you. I see purity. I see righteousness. I see love.

I see my Son.

He died for you so that you can stay out of prison. So that you won't accept the guilty sentence that the enemy of your soul taunts you with. When you accepted Him as your Savior from your sins, that is exactly what He became. Your Savior. He saved you. He took the guilt, the prison sentence, the slow death of sin.

My Son, Jesus, He died. But, He came back to life! He is now with Me and talks to Me about you and intercedes on your behalf. My Spirit is in you to share My heart with you. Listen to My voice. Listen to the Truth of who you are and Who you belong to.

Child, I rejoice over you. I am giddy at the thought of you. I desire your attention. You are My creation, the art of My hands, the beauty of My thoughts, the adoration of My affections.

Stand up. Look forward. Shoulders back. Head held high.

And walk right out of that prison.

Video of Amos' arrival home

Here is the video of Jamie and Aaron Ivey picking up their son from the airport after he arrived from Haiti (see story in my previous blog posts). Grab a tissue! And just imagine how our Heavenly Father welcomes us home and into His arms when we believe in His Son Jesus Christ.... so precious and powerful.

The song in this video was written by and is being sung by Aaron about waiting and fighting to get Amos home. (see the music video on previous post.)

http://dreamingbigdreams.net/

Amos, orphan from Haiti, arrives in Texas

My two previous posts introduced you to the Ivey family and their long journey in bringing Amos home from Haiti. Here's another chapter to the story.....

Adopted Haitian Boy Arrives in Austin

http://www.myfoxaustin.com/dpp/news/local/Adopted-Haitian-Boy-Arrives-in-Austin




Here's a blog written by the happy father, Aaron:

http://aaronivey.com/

Link to Aaron's video to his son in Haiti

For those of you who receive my posts via subscription, for some reason the video won't show up. So here is the link... it's very powerful - watch!! :-)

The girl in the video is Story - who has already been adopted and is living with the Ivey's in Austin, TX.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4eZybIXpm8&feature=youtu.be&a



Here is a short clip from when they visited Haiti in 2008 - so precious!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIiXQbXe8HQ&feature=related

Nigeria... Haiti... God is there

Nigeria:
If you haven't heard, there has been rioting, killing, and destruction in Jos, Nigeria (where I lived for 4 years) since last Sunday. I won't go into the details of why this is going on here - but you can check http://bbc.com/ for more specific information (though keep in mind it is still a media's report).

Thankfully, the military and police responded quickly. The city of Jos was put on a 24 hour curfew for two days straight, to try and quell the violence.

Early Tuesday morning at 3am Chicago time, I received a text from Nigeria to pray for the village of Gyero, where 100+ of City Ministries orphans live. I spent a lot of time in Gyero and was heartbroken to hear that the violence had spread to this little village off the beaten path. I prayed and prayed and was so grateful to receive a text an hour later that said the military had arrived and regained control. Ok, so *that* is a miracle. That the military would even care to go out to little Gyero. But GOD cares and He sent them!

Praise GOD none of our children or staff were hurt, but other village kids and adults were killed during this attack.

Yesterday, the 24 hour curfew was lifted and people are allowed to move around between 10am - 5pm Nigeria time (which is 7 hours ahead of CST).

I've received reports from friends there that it seems calm, but to not assume it is safe. Please continue to pray!!


Haiti:

We are all stunned and the media is a great way to keep informed. However, to get more intimate with it all...

Aaron and Jamie Ivey live in Austin, TX. They've already adopted a boy from America and a girl
from Haiti. The Ivey's have been working for 2 1/2 years to adopt Amos, who is still in Haiti. He is safe and they are working desperately to complete the adoption and bring him home. Here is a video that Aaron made for Amos.




See their interview on CNN here:

http://amfix.blogs.cnn.com/2010/01/15/familys-adopted-son-in-haiti/



Also, the Livesay family are missionaries in Haiti. Here is a very encouraging post on their blog about God's sovereignty and concern for the least of these...

http://livesayhaiti.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-eight.html

Praying for a special Miracle

The above picture was taken in January 2008, when Miracle was 2 months old.

She had just been dedicated to the Lord at church. Nigerians put eye make-up on babies for special occasions. :-)

Please read the story below about Miracle.

Some of you have already heard it - it's fascinating!

And then updated pictures of this sweetheart are at the end.

Written in January 2008:.. My Nigerian 'parents', Reverand Haruna and 'Mommy', took care of Friday, their nephew, for seven years. Just recently Friday died from a sudden sickness at age 12, which devastated Rev. and Mommy. However, God was so good. The day before Friday passed, Mommy was at work at the community health clinic, where she stays for a few nights at a time, since it is outside of Jos. Someone brought in a newborn baby with her umbilical cord still attached. The baby had been abandoned and covered with sand. She was discovered because a dog was biting on her umbilical cord and she began to cry. The mother of the baby, of course, was nowhere to be found. The police interviewed different women in the neighborhood and decided that Mommy was the best candidate to look after the baby while they tried to find her mother. Mommy was caring for her when she received the news that Friday had died. So Mommy bundled her up and took her home with her.

In the midst of the intense grief, God provided a miracle baby to bring joy, comfort and purpose to their lives. I went to their home the day we received the sad news about Friday. When I saw the baby and heard her story I said to Mommy "You must name her Miracle, for indeed she is." She agreed and that is her name. :)

Today...

Two years have passed and Miracle continues to bring happiness and God's love into their home. They see how the Lord was so good to them and His timing was just incredible, giving Miracle to them the day before Friday passed. Rev and Mommy have been wanting to have another baby (have 2 older children), but it has not been possible. They have formally adopted Miracle.

I sent Miracle some Christmas presents. I just received the pictures below - so adorable!!! She's modeling the gifts I sent to her. The picture with the rabbit on her back is so great because she is 'backing her baby' - Nigerian women carry babies on their backs.

Miracle is a child who was chosen by the Lord to be rescued from certain death and adopted into an earthly family who are the perfect God-send to raise her in His Word and His love. My prayer is that is special Miracle will be a mighty Warrior Princess for her King!

Allah ya bamu godiya kowace rana. Ku kwallo masu! = God gives us blessings every day! Watch for them!

Please be gentle

For many, the Christmas season is a jumble of emotions. We think of where we were this time last year, what our hopes were, dreams were, expectations were... Some of you have lost people very close to you and you can't wait until Christmas is over, so that you won't be forced to remember past Christmas celebrations with the loved ones who are no longer with you.

Christmas brings hope - a reminder that Jesus came to earth and lived a perfect life - yet still was ridiculed, slandered, abused, rejected and betrayed - but He endured and was victorious.

Last night I was reading a blog of a family who lost their 10 week old son to SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) and I was grieving along with them. Their pain is much deeper than I can fathom, yet I can identify with the loss of their hopes, dreams and plans.

These days, my mind and prayers are all over the place... seeking God for clarity, hope, perseverance in the midst of unclear situations and many questions... I am thankful to be walking through this time and not escaping from it or allowing myself to be distracted from the reality of the depth of my need for the One who will be constant in the midst of lifes storms. Throughout Scripture, God allows His people to walk through the pain, to suffer, to endure, to be sanctified through loss -- to completely depend on Him, for we cannot trust ourselves. Sometimes it was a quick deliverance, but most of the time, Scripture shows a long process of peeling back the layers of pride, self-reliance, selfish motivations, etc... to bring the people/person to the place God intended them to be.

For those of us who have surrendered our lives to Jesus, the Holy Spirit is with us and He will speak to us, guide us, and comfort us (John 16). He declares Truth to us - which is so comforting since we live in a world of lies and false promises.

My journey is not a unique one - many of you have experienced deep loss in your lives. My loss of health, home, dreams, etc just happened all at once... but it doesn't make my loss any worse than yours. Some people don't understand, and if they haven't experienced loss, or if they have but just didn't allow themselves to feel the loss... how can they relate? Some people think that I should get over it, move on, forget Nigeria... well, ok, but no I won't. I am resistant to allow myself to be on anyone's time table except for God's. I am not saying that I know what I am doing - not by a long shot - but I have learned that for most of my life, I just smoothed things over with a smile. Not anymore... I want God to dig deep and take as long as it takes to heal from the inside out. It's not just about Nigeria - it's about living a live of genuine emotions, of being 'real' and vulnerable, about really letting God search my heart and point out any area that is not completely surrendered to Him. Saying good-bye to Nigeria was just the beginning on this road of healing, of sanctification, of hope...

I don't live in despondency or hopelessness. God has actually given me great joy and peace in the midst of this season of uncertainty and transition. I love living in Chicago and am so thankful for the friends I have and the opportunities I have to serve the church body. I am not in depression and I am not lazy. One day at a time, by only God's grace and power, am I sustained to look ahead and to love God and love people for that day. He will give strength for the next day. I am learning to love the present. To not think too far into the future. I am learning to be ok with times of rest and loneliness. I am learning to be ok with not living a fast-paced life and taking time to rest when I need to. I am learning to be ok with not knowing everything - or anything at all! I am learning to using this time in my life to relate to the loss others are going through - marriage, financial, relationships, etc... It has really been wonderful to see how God is weaving all of our lives together for our good and for His glory! Every time God teaches me a big lesson, He then brings someone into my life to share with and to encourage them with... it's a beautiful cycle.


Here is a poem that I found that expresses exactly how I feel and, perhaps, how many of you are feeling, too...

Please Be Gentle
By Jill B. Englar

Please be gentle with me for I am grieving.
The sea I swim in is a lonely one
and the shore seems miles away.
Waves of despair numb my soul
as I struggle through each day.
My heart is heavy with sorrow.
I want to shout and scream
and repeatedly ask 'Why?'
At times, my grief overwhelms me
and I weep bitterly,
so great is my loss.
Please don't turn away
or tell me to move on with my life.
I must embrace my pain
before I can begin to heal.
Companion me through the tears
and sit with me in loving silence.
Honor where I am in the journey,
not where you think I should be.
Listen patiently to my story,
I may need to tell it over and over again.
It's how I begin to grasp the enormity of my loss.
Nurture me through the weeks and months ahead.
Forgive me when I seem distant and inconsolable.
A small flame still burns within my heart,
and shared memories may trigger
both laughter and tears.
I need your support and understanding.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
I must find my own path.
Please, will you walk beside me?


All around us, people are hurting. Especially during this season. But there is Hope through Jesus Christ. It is all about Him - every pain, loss, joy, challenge... it is all about Him - for He is King of Kings and Lord of Lords... as we take our eyes off of ourselves and focus on Him... the peace that surpasses all understanding will reign in our hearts. Thank You, Jesus! Amen!

It's not just about the sale

This is just tooo cool - I have to share! And it's not about what happens to me - it is about what happens afterwards and how it all fits together :-)

Ok, so it all started a couple months ago. A man at church knew that I was looking for a car to buy. He recommended a large dealership here in Chicago, and specifically two dealers that he had a good experience with previously. One of the men, Bob, is a Christian and the other one, Joe, is not (not their real names). My friend called ahead and 'introduced' me to these two men. I did not tell him what to say - but he explained the whole 'missionary' thing and I figured, well, might was well milk it for what it's worth at this point! :-)

So I arrived and quoted my very low budget and they just looked at me. Then said they would be right back. They came back and offered me a great deal on a great looking car (the make/model will remain anonymous --- keep reading to find out why). So, I bought the car and loved it. Before I left, the non-Christian dealer, Joe, looked at me and said "Erin, there is something different about you. I mean, I can't put my finger on it, but there's something special". I answered "The Lord has changed my life. He is Who you are seeing. I take no credit!". He just smiled and shook his head.

Within two weeks, all sorts of things were going wrong with the car, including the catalytic converter (have no idea), water pump (for what?) and the transmission (I know this is important!)... The guys were so apologetic and so kind and allowed me to return the car, which is super nice because usually a used car is sold 'as is' and sorry ma'am if you have any problems. I spent a lot of time with Joe discussing the problems as they came up, and he kept saying "Erin, man, there is something about you."

Well, I still needed a car. So I spent hours (yeah, I take awhile to make big decisions sometimes) in the dealership deliberating on what car, how much to spend, etc. They ended up giving me such a fantastic deal on a Honda Civic with very low mileage - they only made $28 on the deal!
I knew that they had actually lost money, because of all the time spent the past two weeks on the situation and because the first car was a total loss.

I was about to leave and I was contemplating about how gracious they had been and how I really felt that God not only guided me there to purchase a car, but that He is pursuing Joe's heart and that He wants Joe to know how important he is to God. So, Joe and I were about to close the deal and I was about to leave. We were walking past a brand new, white Hummer in the showroom.

God told me what to do.
I said "What?!"
He said "Do it".
Sigh.

"Hey Joe," I said. Joe turned around.

I put my hand on the Hummer and said with a lot more confidence than I felt, "I really appreciate all that you've done for me. I am going to pray that God will let you be the one to sell this Hummer."

Joe just chuckled and said "You do that."

So I get in my newly purchased "pre-owned" car and started talking to God. "Ahhh! How could you make me say that?! Joe sell the Hummer? It is a huge dealership - lots of employees. That is such an expensive car. How SOO specific is that?! Ok, Lord, it's Your reputation and glory on the line, not mine! I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is an eternal purpose in my buying this car. I know that You are chasing Joe. I know that You want him to know he is important and valuable in Your sight. So, well, God... pllleeeeaaase let him sell that Hummer!"

And that's how my prayers went over the last few weeks.

Folks, I talked to Joe today.

HE SOLD THE HUMMER!!!!!
Wa-hoooo! Go God! Get the Glory!!!

ahhhhh.

It's so funny because I called Joe today with a question about my car and I wanted to say something about the Hummer and was thinking, "Man, I am going to sound foolish". Well.

"So, Joe, don't forget that I am praying that God will let you be the one to sell that Hummer." Cringe.

"Erin! I sold it on Saturday!"


Ahhh, may I become more of a fool, for the glory of God in His pursuit of peoples' souls.

"For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength." 1 Corinthians 1:25

Video

To all my dear subscribers...

I don't know why, when I post a video, it won't show up in your email of the blog.

Here is the link. It is such a powerful song and music video. I played it about 20 times yesterday. Refer to the lyrics on the previous post.


http://vimeo.com/channels/failusnot

You Fail Us Not

In the midst of questions without answers, You are there. Your presence presses in and captures my soul. You pursue my devotion to the innermost parts of my being. My brokenness turns to praise and my searching turns to contentment.

The lyrics and the video below are perfect for where I am right now in my journey. I saw this band, 1000 Generations, a couple months ago and was taken to an intense time of worship through their God-honoring songs.

Failure doesn't phase you. Worry doesn't win. Lost doesn't leave you afraid to start again. Our sin doesn't shock you. Our shame doesn't shame you at all.

Mistakes do not move you. Terror doesn't tame. Death doesn't doom you to life in the grave. Our suffering doesn't scare you. Our secrets won't surprise you at all. At all.

There is nothing above you. There is nothing beyond you. There is nothing that you can't do. Whatever will come, we'll rise above. You fail us not, You fail us not. No matter the war, our hope is secure. You fail us not, You fail us not.You fail us not.

Hatred doesn't hide you. Evil doesn't ail. Despair can't disguise you and tell you that you fail. Our doubt doesn't daunt you. Our darkness won't defeat you at all. At all.

There is nothing above you. There is nothing beyond you. There is nothing that you can't do. Whatever will come, we'll rise above. You fail us not, You fail us not. No matter the war, our hope is secure. You fail us not, You fail us not. Whatever will come, we'll rise above. You fail us not, You fail us not. No, You fail us not. You fail us not.

You’re bigger than the battle. You are bigger than the battle. You are bigger than the battle has ever been.

http://1000generations.com/

PS - I this band is even sweeter because the pianist and vocalist are married :-) And, I don't know why the video shows up twice.

Clip of boys singing praise

This is my first time to post a video, and I must be doing it wrong. Am trying again here. This is the clip I referred to in my previous post. Our boys are singing "Holy, Holy is the Lord Almighty. Holy, Holy is He!.... Holy is the Lord, God Almighty, the earth is filled with His glory."

If the video does not show up for those of you who subscribe to this and get the post automatically, it will work if you go directly to http://erinrigsby.blogspot.com
It's a grrrreat clip - so I want to be sure you can watch it!

Renewed Fear of the Lord God Almighty

Last night a friend and I were talking about how we want to live with expectancy and to live intentionally. We were reflecting on how fast time goes by and, before we know it, a week is gone and what eternal significance do we have to show for it? Did we love on people God brought across our paths? Did we show patience to people who were maybe having a bad day? Did we stop and help someone else, even when it was inconvenient? And what makes something inconvenient? Pretty much the fact that, in our selfish minds, wherever we are going or whatever we are doing is more important than others needs.

We talked about how our culture really affects us. I am fascinated by cultures and find myself analyzing what I am seeing or experiencing through the eyes of an American, or a Nigerian, or perhaps a wealthy person versus a poorer person; a single person versus a married couple. Chicago has so many cultures within cultures, that I am never without a loss for material.

It can be downright confusing sometimes, for me, as many times I find myself unsure of how to respond - do I respond like I did in Nigeria or do I respond like other Americans? Is a situation I may be in because of a healthy cultural influence or is it negative? Is it sinful or is it Biblical? I am not thinking of one thing in particular, but every day things - the more we are looking for culture, the more it is revealed to us. The more we question our motives, our spending, how we relate to others, how others relate to us... the more aware we are of how complex we are.

After getting off the phone with my friend, I was really missing Nigeria and all the kids there, thanks to all my analysis of culture. I spent a lot of time looking through pictures, thinking and just feeling homesick for a place that seems so far away now. Then I went to bed. Which I KNOW is not good for me - to dwell and reflect on Nigeria right before bed - because almost 100% of the time, this results in really sad dreams about my life in Nigeria and then I wake up in a cloud of sadness. I am praying for self-discipline in this area, to fill my mind with joyful, peaceful and encouraging things before I go to bed.

So I woke up this morning, in desperate need of some encouragement from the Lord. I went to Jeremiah 10. As I read the chapter, my heart was sobered. Read Jeremiah 10 here. God was talking to Israel (and talking to us) about the necessity of being separate from the evils in culture. The people of Israel had been making their own idols, out of wood, silver and gold and then worshiping these powerless things. God calls the customs worthless and He calls the people senseless and foolish. The people will be shamed, will be mocked, will perish in judgement. Ouch.

The LORD Almighty goes on to say, through Jeremiah, that He is the King of Nations, the True God, the Living God, the Eternal King. The Israelites were choosing to worship things that were dead, things that had been formed by human hands, things without any power.

We are senseless to not inquire of the LORD. As a result, we will be scattered and will not prosper. God will remove His hands from us, if we continue to worship false Gods. He is a jealous God and He WILL NOT share His glory.

Not applicable enough? Ok, verses 23 and 24:

I know, O LORD, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps. Correct me, LORD, but only with justice - not in Your anger, lest you reduce me to nothing.

A renewed fear of God was put into my soul this morning. I so easily build up idols in my life. I allow things, people, memories to control me, to demand my worship. I give power to situations and circumstances and to Satan, when they are worthless, and that makes me a fool. I was corrected in my thinking, as God reminded me that I am right where He put me. He directs my steps. My life is not my own. My life is a tiny blip on the radar of eternity. He is pursuing my complete, total, abandoned affection. He wants ALL of me.

Like with the children of Israel, God allows us to choose how we will respond to adversity, to suffering, to persecution, to sickness, to poverty, to injustice. Like with the children of Israel, He will respond to us in relation to how we respond to Him.

Will I respond with complete commitment and worship of Him? Or will I spend my days on my own worldly pursuits, giving pieces of my worship to people, in response to the cultural temptations and influence, to the newest fad or sensation?

"Everyone is senseless and without knowledge; every goldsmith is shamed by his idols. His images are a fraud; they have no breath in them. They are worthless, the objects of mockery; when their judgment comes, they will perish. He who is the Portion of Jacob is not like these, for he is the Maker of all things, including Israel, the tribe of his inheritance— the LORD Almighty is his name." Jeremiah 10:14-16

This 1 minute clip was recently taken of our older boys in Nigeria, during a spontaneous time of worship.

They are singing... "Holy, Holy is the Lord Almighty. Holy, Holy is He. Holy is the Lord, God Almighty, the earth is filled with His glory".

In case you are interested...

Yesterday at church, a woman lovingly reminded me that she is waiting to read the next post on my blog, that it has been too long - she even knew that I hadn't written one since July 9th!! ... that warmed my heart, and encouraged me to write a nice, long, juicy one... :-) There are pictures at the end!

Yes, so much has been happening and I am internally processing so many things. I sometimes wonder what is beneficial to share with the cyberspace world. And then, I suppose, if I keep things focused on HIM, and not on me, then perhaps others can benefit. Sharing my life experiences, challenges, trials, blessings, etc on a computer screen is therapeutic for me and, if someone else is blessed, yeah for that!

At least once a week I think "oh, I need to share this on my blog" and then I hesitate or forget. And so, wow, a month or more goes by and here we are... Some random tidbits...

** I found an apartment in Chicago! It is on the 18th floor and looks out over the lake. It is really a gift and praise pours out of my mouth every day when I sit out on the balcony, when I get home after a long day, when I wake up and see the lake from my bed - thank you Jesus! Lesson I have learned from this - I resisted this apartment SO much because I didn't feel like God really wanted me to have it. I know I am very adaptable and have slept in various kinds of places and know that I don't need to have nice things. I literally argued with God for two days about this place - I kept trying to find all sorts of loop holes as to why I shouldn't get it - and He kept taking care of each one. The root of it all - I really didn't believe that He wanted to give this amazing gift to me. He was excitedly providing and what was my response? "No, really? Seriously, I don't need this. I've lived in a Third World Country, God, I can be happy with much less., yadda, yadda, yadda.." And on and on and on I went. And then, tada, the lights went on - I LOVE to give people gifts, mostly because of their reactions to the gifts. My reaction was so ridiculously self-deprecating and resistant to His love.... thanks for insisting, God! I love it and, while I hold it loosely and know that materialistic things don't bring lasting joy, I am enjoying every minute of this gift of beauty and safety!


** When I left Nigeria in May 2008, I thought I would only be gone for two months. As a result, I of course left my house as it was. When I realized a few months ago that I would not be returning, one of the most difficult parts of that decision was what to do with my house in Nigeria? God provided some incredible ladies there who worked many hours to sort through, pack up and sell my things. Most of my belongings were sold last week, except for sentimental things that are slowly coming back to me through travelers. This has been a very painful process for me because I am a very sentimental person. Something that looks worthless to you will be precious to me because of the memory attached to it. It has been hard to let go and allow others to go through all of my belongings and for them to make decisions about what may or may not be important.

God used Hebrews 10 to really help me, especially verse 34: you joyfully accepted the plundering of your property, since you knew that you yourselves had a better possession and an abiding one.

I can't say it has been a joyful process, emotionally, but I can say that I have tried to choose to be joyful and thankful, even if I don't feel like it. This situation has really humbled me to think about what value I put on things that will burn and how much do I really value Jesus, Who has saved me from eternal death??

So, I basically don't have much now, compared to many, but I have an abundance compared to many. Make sense? Practically speaking - I used paper towels to dry off after a shower for a week because I didn't have any towels. I slept on a couch for two weeks because I didn't have a bed. I ate off of paper plates until yesterday, because I didn't have any dishes. But was this an issue? No! It really doesn't matter, does it? In the midst of the questions, pain, loneliness, uncertainty, vulnerability of this season, the Lord God has taken me to a different level with Him. A clearer understanding of what matters. A deeper sense of dependence upon Him.

Plus, it has been so amazing to be loved by God through His people - last night someone gave me some plates (remember, just yesterday I used my last paper plate!), towels, some kitchen stuff; another lady has offered some furniture; another man has offered me a table and others have offered household items. What a blessing that my apartment will be full of gifts and tangible reminders of God's love and provision.


** I've been seeing a counselor weekly, sometimes twice a week, since January. It has been so very helpful! Sometimes I walk out of her office just shaking my head thinking "Will this learning process ever stop? When will I get it?" other times I walk out with a huge smile on my face and praise in my heart as I reflect on the healing that is taking place. Every time I thank God for showing up, for revealing so much about His character and my need for Him... every time! A few things I am meditating on from recent sessions: before I do something I need to check my motivation: am I doing it because I feel guilty?convicted?joyful? Too many times I am motivated by guilt, either that I put on myself, that others put on me, or that I perceive from others. Yikes! God says there is no condemnation for His children, through Jesus Christ, so Erin, be free!

Today my counselor encouraged me to write a letter of closure to myself - to write as much as possible, as long as necessary, to facilitate a sense of closure of a season of life. Hmm, that sounds a bit painful. Am still chewing on that one. She's also encouraging me to be secure in my relationship with the Lord, to see myself through His eyes, to receive His confidence - that sounds better and am all about this!


** I am looking for a nursing job in Chicago and could really use your prayers. I have an idea of what I want to do and am currently researching all the jobs here in Chicagoland, working on my resume, and preparing for a couple mock interviews with helpful friends.


** I absolutely love Chicago! It is NOT all about cold weather, folks. Summertime is fantastic because the weather is so mild (July avg of 69 degrees!) and there are lots of free things to see and do. The first two pics are when Holly and I went to Millenium Park. There are two large (in blue) glass structures that act as fountains and video player! For 13 minutes, a video of a real person's face is on the 'waterfall', blinking, staring, etc. After 13 minutes, the person puckers his/her lips and 'blows' - then a part of the wall opens up (right at the mouth of the video) and water 'spits' out. Totally cool! The water is only 1/8 in deep, so even really small kids get to take
advantage of it.








Also, throughout the summer, Chicago Summer Dance offers free dance lessons and live music three times a week. Susan and I went last week on African Dance Night :-) I actually met Susan in Nigeria - she was there for two years with SIM! I am very thankful for her friendship because she really 'gets me' and she knows exactly what I am talking about, who I am missing, and why Nigeria is now and forever will be a part of me - because she feels the same way.

Whew - ok, Hazel, how did I do?